My Life In Ugly Shoes

Moved...

2006-06-19T19:35:00.000-04:00

Moved to MySpace

Another try at school

2006-03-21T09:55:00.000-05:00

I decided to take Beth to Sunday school as a way to give "school" another try. She has been asking to go to school, and I want her to go, but it's tough to spend $150 only to find out Beth hates the school and doesn't want to go back. So, I'm thinking Sunday school is the answer - only once per week, only a few hours at a time, no naps (which she HATES), and Momma is right down the hall if she freaks out and needs me.

This Sunday was our first Sunday school experience, and she seemed to enjoy it, all things considered. It's a VERY small church, so her Sunday school class is only going to be two other kids, and both were on family vacations that week. She was the only kid in Sunday school. She seemed to like it, although she was more interested in exploring the room than in listening to the lady talk about the Last Supper. She definitely does not have the school mentality yet - she wanted to paint and that's *it* and no one was going to convince her otherwise. Where DOES she get that stubbornness? :-)

After Sunday school, everyone gets together for the start of the regular service. Everyone was so friendly with her, and one lady gave her a Veggie Tales CD that she got from a Chick Filet kids meal (it's just weird to me that there's a religious fast food place, but nevertheless...) Beth really liked the singing. She stood on the pew and sort of swayed back and forth. It was VERY cute! Then the pastor called the kids up to the front of the church, and they all sit on the stair together and he gives a 3-minute kid's version of his sermon. His lesson was that 'man cannot live on bread alone'. He kept it literal with the kids, and asked them if they would like to eat nothing but bread all the time. One of the boys said, "No, I would get tired of it, like I get tired of applesauce." When they were done, the kids went off to the nursery to play while the grown ups had the rest of the service, although the pastor didn't stay literal with us - he stayed on the bread-alone theme as a speech on materialism, which just happens to be a pet peeve of mine so I liked the service too.

Every 3rd Sunday they have a group for Shorties, a special kids group where they do activities and crafts and music. I know Beth would have liked it, but we would have had to go back at 3 and momma was too pooped. Besides, with her being the only kid there, I was afraid she wouldn't get the idea of how fun that group is going to be. But yet again, momma was wrong. She has asked to go back several times, and she asks me every night what day it is, as though she's counting down in her mind. This morning she even asked about the Veggie Tales CD, which is weird because we only listened to it on the way home from church, which was about 7 minutes - tops.

I'm sure in a few more weeks and after the other 4 year old girl comes back from vacation, Beth will enjoy it even more. And hopefully the other girl will be a good influence and demonstrate how to listen to the teacher. :-)

I really liked the church too. Like I said, it's very small. Maybe 40 people, and no choir, but Pastor Matt still wears a microphone, like we wouldn't be able to hear him otherwise. The service feels more like a conversation rather than one crotchety old guy giving a stern lecture trying to tell us to do-this-or-you'll-burn-in-hell. The church is beautiful - it's so simple, there's not even any stained glass. It's sort of like what I'd imagine churches looked like 200 years ago.

So Beth and I will definitely be going back, and I'll be the only atheist in the church.

We all have our secrets, I guess.

My bedroom makeover

2006-03-16T20:38:00.000-05:00

Before:

After:

VOTE FOR FELICITY!!!

2006-03-08T10:25:00.000-05:00

Vote for Felicity

Not that there's anything wrong with the stay at home moms or the couple with the huge green bedroom. But if you are blessed enough to be a stay at home mom, or blessed enough to have a huge ass house, you don't need to win an HGTV contest. Felicity lost everything in Hurricane Katrina, and she's a nurse at a homeless shelter! Most deserving and best personality... vote today!!!

Unethical?

2006-03-05T14:23:00.000-05:00

This article, though interesting, strikes me as unethical:

Study: Lifting Weights Attacks Belly Fat

Quote:
In it, 164 overweight and obese Minnesota women ages 24 to 44 were divided evenly into two groups. One group participated in a two-year weight-training program and the other was simply given a brochure recommending exercise of 30 minutes to an hour most days of the week. Both groups were told not to change their diets in a way that might lead to weight changes.

So they have a group of overweight and obese women, and tell them NOT to change their diet and lose weight? As medical professionals, they have an obligation to educate these women. If they CHOSE not to diet, then that is their choice, but a medical professional cannot, in good conscience, tell an overweight or obese patient NOT to change their diet!

2006-03-02T18:19:00.000-05:00

What women find attractive

2006-03-01T20:29:00.000-05:00

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ, depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and duct tape over his mouth while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

Please help the fight against cancer

2006-03-01T18:22:00.000-05:00

The American Cancer Society estimates that in 2006, about 9,710 cases of invasive cervical cancer will be diagnosed in the United States. Some researchers estimate that noninvasive cervical cancer (carcinoma in situ) is about 4 times more common than invasive cervical cancer. About 3,700 women will die from cervical cancer in the United States this year.

Research has made great strides and a vaccine has shown promise in preventing the cancer-causing strains of a virus which is present in half of the adults in the US. This vaccine protects against HPV 16 and 18, which together cause 70 percent of cervical cancers. Traditional treatment of cervical cancer often includes a hysterectomy, performed whether or not the uterus is occupied. But hopefully with further research, no woman will ever have to choose between her life and the life of her unborn baby.

Please support the Relay For Life of Raleigh by clicking here to make a tax-deductible donation. Any contribution, no matter how big or small, makes a difference in people's lives.

Thank you so much!

2006-02-23T09:42:00.000-05:00

Busy as usual, and passing around a bad cold between the 3 of us. Frankie was sick first, and he gave it to me. Now Beth has it. She is definitely not feeling well - she came into our bed yesterday morning at about 7 like usual, and we all snoozed until about 10:30! She never sleeps that late... and when she was downstairs, she just stayed on the couch under her blankie the whole time. She didn't even play with any of her toys.

I took our cat Roger to be put down on Friday, but ended up bringing him home again. That morning he was drinking water and peed all over himself as he was drinking. And he pees a LOT because his diabetes makes him so thirsty. Of course, that freaked him out because I don't think he realized he was doing it. So I took him to the vet on Friday and asked that they put him down, and the assholes wanted to run all sorts of blood and urinalysis tests, which I refused to let them because I know what his problem is, so they ever-so-kindly refused to put him down because they said his problem could be treated with medication. Even though I TOLD them I absolutely would not allow him to go on medication for the rest of his life, because I'm not going to have his last years be of me or Frankie chasing him down each morning and giving him a painful injection. Rogie would not understand. I gave myself injections in my stomach every morning for weeks on end for each of the in vitro cycles, and I *did* understand and it *was* my choice, but after about 6 weeks of it, the last thing I wanted to do was give myself yet another injection. So if they weren't going to respect my decision to not treat his diabetes with insulin, then I wasn't going to let them run a bunch of tests that would only serve to tell me that.... duh.... he has diabetes. Helloooooo... he's 10 years old, he's a male and he's fat. He weighs 26.2 pounds!! So.... I took him to the SPCA to be put down, and by this time it was about 8 at night so they were closed, but I had seen something online that they have after-hours drop off areas. But I got all the way out there and they did not have them after all. And I wasn't going to just leave Rogie outside in his little carrier at the door like he was garbage, so I brought him home again. Frankie said it was fate that I brought him home again, so we're trying to manage his condition with a specialized diet and by limiting his water access. (It's not cruel to limit his water, because he's not dehydrated - he just thinks he's thirsty). He's doing better, so we'll just stay on this path for as long as we can. He's even back to hopping on the couch and into our bed to cuddle, whereas before he never left the kitchen - he would sleep on the little rug by his water bowl.

I'm trying to finish up the floor in the dining room/workout room/playroom. I ripped up all the carpet in the dining room and the vinyl in the foyer. I put down new flooring. Now I just have to install the quarter round and the thresholds now, and it would be an easy job if I could get the old nails out of the walls. They're too small to get my hammer around, so I might have to resort to pliers and brute strength. I've got pliers, but no brute strength, so we'll have to see if that's even going to work... But I'm so sick of having everything strewn all over the downstairs - I just want to finish it and get my house put back together. I'll definitely post some pictures when I'm done.

I have a friend in MA who is getting a biopsy on a mass in her breast today. From the sounds of it, it sounds like a bad kind of lump. We worked together in the cancer registry, so she knows it sounds like a bad kind of lump too.

Frankie's sister and her family are visiting his parents this week. I had told Frankie that neither Beth nor I will be going to visit them, and they are not welcome to visit our home either. Of course, he's a grown up and can do what he wants. So he spent most of Monday evening over there and he told me that it was different - that it felt natural again. They weren't all yelling and swearing and fighting and dramatic with each other. So I gave them the benefit of the doubt and went over there with Beth. It actually went quite smoothly, so it worked out well. I don't have the energy to keep up a fight anymore, and I can't change the past, so it's time to just take a deep breath and move on. It doesn't change everything, but if it makes things more peaceful, I'll go along with it.

It's the most wonderful time of year

2006-02-16T17:30:00.000-05:00

GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!!! I love this time of year. Hopefully this year I've learned my lesson and bought enough to last until next February. It's just so embarassing to order cookies 8 boxes at a time...

I'm a frozen Thin Mint kind of gal, btw.

SuperBowl

2006-02-05T15:12:00.000-05:00

I need a sedative...

2006-01-06T20:59:00.000-05:00

I got home from work today to be greeted by an overwhelming stench of animal piss. Who says pet owners can't smell the stink in their own house? ;-) Anyway, I couldn't find a wet spot or a stain, and faced with the prospect of having to shampoo the entire workout room (only to end up diluting and spreading the piss anyway...) I went to Petsmart and bought a blacklight. Oh dear God I should have taken a sedative. There were stains *everywhere*. I was so grossed out. But thank heavens for the light! I would have never been able to even find the stinky spots without it. (I also would not have discovered that apparently my dog is jealous that my cat gets to piss inside the house, so he's taken to pissing right next to the litter box.)

I also bought a gallon of Nature's Miracle to clean up the stains. It definitely seems to have helped. I still plan on shampooing the rugs, but at least I'm reasonably confident I got the really "dirty" spots.

Oh, and I took the blacklight into the bathroom... It's sort of like eating hot dogs - you're better off if you don't know the truth.

I have got a LOT of cleaning to do this weekend. :-)

Almost like HGTV!

2006-01-05T17:41:00.000-05:00

Finished up the bathroom tile project on New Years Eve (yes, it was a Rockin New Years Eve at my house!!!) It looks GREAT. I didn't bother touching up the paint because I'm going to paint the entire bathroom soon enough.

The Best Math Exam Answer Ever

2006-01-03T18:17:00.000-05:00

Click me, baby

Low Key Christmas

2005-12-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

Our Christmas was quiet. Christmas Eve, Frankie's parents came over and we made a ham with some sides. It was a small dinner, nothing fancy, but the ham turned out really well. Then Beth opened her presents from Frank's parents. I wrapped Beth's presents that night, and of course she walked in as I was wrapping them, to tell me her music had stopped!! So I hurried her back upstairs and she said "okay, you can finish wrapping my presents now!"

We didn't do anything Christmas morning, really. I put Beth in the tub and while she was in there, I set up her presents. She opened her presents after her bath. Her favorite present is a huge school bus tent-type thing. I'll put photos up soon!! At about 3 we went to Frankie's parents house for dinner. His mom made a turkey dinner. She bought a 14 pound turkey. For 4 adults. And I can't even stomach eating the turkey if I see the bones and carcass, so I ended up not eating any turkey at *all*. They're going to be eating turkey for the next month!!!

I have all this week off work, and hope to do a lot of projects around the house. I'm going to try to clean the siding today (have to check the weather first to see if the wind is going to die down). I've got lots of little projects in the works, so it should be busy but fun!!

Home for the Holidays

2005-12-18T13:04:00.000-05:00

Clicky Clicky Home for the Holidays

Scroll down to "Daddy Come Home". It's the story my mom submitted.

The original version is here:

On Christmas Eve 1971, I received a call from my husband, who had been in Vietnam for several months. He had called me on December 21st, through a ham radio operator, to wish me a happy 3rd anniversary but the connection was lost before we could exchange any messages. Our eight month old son was going to celebrate his first Christmas and prior to the phone call, it seemed like it was going to be a very sad Christmas for me.

My husband told me he was on his way home for leave and asked me to pick him up at the Pittsburgh airport about 8 in the morning. I called his parents and we made srrangements to go to the airport together.

When we got to the airport at the appointed time, his flight had been canceled. I stood at the TWA counter, crying my eyes out, much to the dismay of the poor TWA employee. He graciously said that even though it was against the rules he would call another airline and see if he was on their flight from San Francisco which was due in just a few minutes. They said that they could not confirm that he was on the flight but that a young Army officer was desperately trying to get home to his wife and baby in Pittsburgh. The baby and I rushed to the gate and got there just in time to see my husband walk through the gate and run toward us. Many people waiting for the plane's arrival started to clap and a few tears were shed for the young family reunited on Christmas morning. The baby, normally very shy, went straight into his daddy's arms, probably attracted by the ribbons and metals on his dress uniform.

34 years, three kids and three grandkids later, this is still my favorite Christmas memory.

Philosophy of the Pathetic

2005-12-17T12:09:00.000-05:00

Pascal’s girlfriend didn’t think it better
To believe his lies for fear of offense
But he came home smelling like cheap perfume
And that’s when things got a little bit tense

She sits in the dark and waits for his lines
The rationale for his latest cheap fling
Yet he reasons, all probability,
Experience will not teach her a thing

Time to up the meds

2005-12-15T21:34:00.000-05:00

Ohhhh myyyy Gawwwwwd does my ass hurt. I hate lunges. Hate em!!

So I went to WalMart last week to return a ceiling fan. I always feel so dirty when I go there, and yet I only showered once since leaving. I tell people (yes, the people who tell me that I stink) that it's because I've been sick, but truth be told, I like the bizarre scent of fried chicken and dirty motor oil that lingers on my fingers.

I like Michael's. Not on a Saturday, mind you, but I do like the paint and variety of frames and little wooden thingamajigees that I paint with cute sayings like "Mistakes have been made. Others will be blamed" and turn into sassy refrigerator magnets. But what is UP with all the self-embroidered sweatshirts? My preference of course are the Bedazzled sweatshirts that so many women at the office wear at this time of year. Since WHEN is the birth of our Lord and Saviour a reason to dress so tacky? They should all take a lesson from the guy who lives near Six Forks and Durant who has the illuminated birthday cake, complete with fake icing, proudly declaring "Happy Birthday Jesus". Now THAT is the appropriate way to worship someone who died for your sins!!

(That's dripping with sarcasm for those of you who actually think I'm a religious nut job. I'm just a plain old nut job, thankyouverymuch.)

When loading the dishwasher, I organize the spoons and forks into their own compartments in the silverware basket. And I further organize the spoons by tablespoons and teaspoons, however salad forks and dinner forks are allowed to comingle. AND when I unload, I keep all the flatware neatly stacked within their compartment in the drawer. No, not just willy nilly, it's-okay-as-long-as-they-stay-in-their-little-rectangle. They must be stacked appropriately, and look out if someone used one of my spoons to scoop ice cream, bent the spoon and ruined the harmony of all spoons having the same graceful arc. Also, I have green glasses and blue glasses, and they must be put up so that there is a row of green glasses, then a row of blue, then green, and so on. Blue glasses and green glasses must not be in the same row. I may support gay marriage and interracial dating, but dear god keep the glasses segregated by color.

I like the word paradigm. I like how it's spelled. Years ago, my guidance counselor asked my SAT prep class if we knew what paradigm meant, and I proudly proclaimed that it meant 20 cents. So that word has stuck with me. That and "dross", but it's really hard to work that word into conversation. In the corporate world, I love the phrase "keep that on your radar screen". Love, love, love it. It makes me feel like a fighter pilot. Neeeeeeeeer, neeeeeeer, ratatatatat.

I'm an awesome baker, by the way, and have a recipe for homemade crust that makes grown men cry with joy. But I don't like fruit pie - it's almost healthy. I know, I'm not as American as apple pie. I like butterscotch pie with meringue on top. Mmmmm.... pie.....

Sorry, Santa

2005-12-14T18:33:00.000-05:00

Beth's decided she doesn't like Santa. In fact she's quite adamant about it. She's not fearful, I don't think. She saw him at the mall and seemed interested, then a few days later decided she didn't want presents from him. In a way I'm almost relieved. I don't want to ever lie to her... I've told her it's okay she doesn't like Santa, that she'll get lots of presents from Mommy and Daddy and Grammy and PapPap...

My parents came by for a visit early this week. My dad put up some tiles around the tub in my bathroom. I'm very excited. He placed all the tiles and now that the adhesive has dried, I have to scrape out the excess from between the tiles before I can grout. I feel like a sadistic dental hygienist on crack.

I stayed home from my day job today because I just don't feel well. I'm so tired. Nothing else - just tired. Sort of like mono almost. I got a flu shot this year, so I'm pretty sure it's not that, and I don't have a fever or aches or anything. Just.... soooooo tired. I was also scheduled to work the NC State basketball game with Frankie tonight. He went to work alone. They get really pissed when people don't show up, and at the Disney on Ice show, some chick was telling a guy how she was sick but she had to show up because you can only call out the day of an event "like, if there's a death in your family or something, ya know?" Well, sorry peeps. If I didn't go to my day job that pays 5 times more than the one I'm supposed to be doing for *fun*, I sure as heck ain't going to that job either.

My new job is weird. I like the possibilities. Love the title. But no one is checking in with me or giving me guidance. And because I just went to management academy, I can find all these things wrong with how *I'm* being managed. I just want to shake them, "I'm clearly an R2 and you're managing me S4! WTF?!" My situational leadership teacher would be *so* proud.

Oh, and have I mentioned that I HATE having my in laws live within 500 miles of me? Because I do. I really, really do. They have to call EVERY day, as though Frankie doesn't have a job. He has a job and has done a fabulous job at it until THEY showed up and ruined my perfect life. And of course they expect to be at all the holidays and everything. I mean, the pathetic guilt trip because my family went to Myrtle Beach for Thanksgiving and didn't invite his dad was enough to make me want to slip into a hot bath and pop open a vein. If things keep up as they are, I'm going to move the family to Philadelphia. Really, really. At least the psycho sister from hell isn't visiting them for Christmas (although she wanted to, of course, because she's a 36 year old *child*). I know the shit really would have hit the fan then, because Frankie would have had to make excuses why Beth and I didn't visit for Christmas. Of course, if he was actually HONEST about the situation, then we wouldn't be dealing with this, would we? Why, why, why are parents so fucking stupid?

This Was Once a Love Poem

2005-11-27T22:04:00.000-05:00

This Was Once a Love Poem
by Jane Hirshfield

This was once a love poem,
before its haunches thickened, its breath grew short,
before it found itself sitting,
perplexed and a little embarrassed,
on the fender of a parked car,
while many people passed by without turning their heads.

It remembers itself dressing as if for a great engagement.
It remembers choosing these shoes,
this scarf or tie.

Once, it drank beer for breakfast,
drifted its feet
in a river side by side with the feet of another.

Once it pretended shyness, then grew truly shy,
dropping its head so the fair would fall forward,
so the eyes would not be seen.

It spoke with passion of history, of art.
It was lovely then, this poem.
Under its chin, no fold of skin softened.
Behind the knees, no pad of yellow fat.
What it knew in the morning it still believed at nightfall.
An unconjured confidence lifted its eyebrows, its cheeks.

The longing has not diminished.
Still it understands. It is time to consider a cat,
the cultivation of African violets or flowering cactus.

Yes, it decides:
Many miniature cacti, in blue and red painted pots.
When it finds itself disquieted
by the pure and unfamiliar silence of its new life,
it will touch them—one, then another—
with a single finger outstretched like a tiny flame.

How the Pilgrims must have seen things...

2005-11-26T11:05:00.000-05:00

My Thanksgiving sanctuary in Myrtle Beach. Waking up to ocean views was amazing!!!

Day-ummmm it's been a while

2005-11-21T23:02:00.000-05:00

Wow, almost a month since I posted. Sorry faithful readers!

Let's see....

Good news: My inlaws finally moved out of my house after about 2 weeks.
Bad news: They moved into a home 15 minutes from mine.

Good news: I was offered a job at Parexel.
Bad news: It wasn't the job I wanted.

Good news: When I quit my current job, another department snapped me up, and made me a manager.
Bad news: It's the same amount of money, and less money than I would have made if I switched companies (but it's still SO worth it to stay with my company!)

Good news: I got a haircut.
Bad news: The chick who cut it was this crazy Indian lady who I think was on crack. It didn't quite turn out how I wanted, but no one noticed because it was really just a trim.

Good news: I worked my first event at the RBC Center, and had a great time.
Bad news: I ran into my old boss, the wife of a former co-worker, a current co-worker, and a current President and VP in my company. They all sort of pitied me for working my $6.50/hr job, but I don't care - I had fun, I get to work with my hubby, and I can't wait to work there again.

Good news: I've been on vacation from work since last Thursday, and don't go back until the Monday after Thanksgiving.
Bad news: I spend a lot of money when I'm on vacation. :-)

Good news: I finally finished sewing some heavy, lined curtains for the kitchen, as it always seems so chilly and drafty in the winter.
Bad news: I had bought 10 yards of fabric from JoAnn's and screwed it all up so bad I had to go back and get different fabric at WalMart. So I wasted quite a bit of money on that, but hopefully I can make some pillows for the living room out of the first round of mistakes.

Good news: Frankie and I went to see U2 in Atlanta. They played Original of the Species and Miss Sarajevo, neither of which they play live very often and both of which I love. Bono has an amazing opera voice!!!
Bad news: I'd have to stretch to find anything wrong with that. The crowd was lame, and a bunch of casual old fart fans who only knew the really popular songs, but I wasn't there for the crowd. I still had a GREAT time and so there is no bad news about that!!!!

Good news: My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and we are all going to my mom and dad's house.
Bad news: The family is getting so big - it's going to be 12 people in the house. I don't like mayhem, and neither does Frankie.
Good news: We booked a 1 bedroom condo at a resort in North Myrtle Beach for 2 nights. It's only $55/night off season!!

So, I've still got quite a few things on my to-do list for my vacation. With all the traveling, I haven't had much time to work on the house (which is of course my favorite past-time). I'm re-emphasizing the hunter-gold-maroon theme throughout the downstairs. It was already there naturally, but I'm just trying to make the rooms flow together a bit better.

Happy Halloween!!

2005-10-31T19:04:00.000-05:00

Beth had a great time tonight. She is a DALMATION, not a cow (wink wink). Beth the Puppy had a great time and tried to give out candy at each house we went to. When she figured out that she gets to TAKE the candy, then she REALLY liked Halloween!! At the end of our evening, she told me "Let's go trick or treating tomorrow!!"

The More Loving One

2005-10-22T09:38:00.000-04:00

The More Loving One
by W. H. Auden

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

McBirdie

2005-10-15T15:43:00.000-04:00

Everyone loves McDonald's French Fries!!

Am I rich yet?

2005-10-13T18:50:00.000-04:00

I can't believe I haven't won that huge Powerball jackpot yet. I promise, if I win, I will prove what a truly caring person I am and will give millions to charity. I promise!!

I left work at 2 today so that Frankie could work the NC State football game tonight. I'm looking for a new job again and have a few things in the works. We'll see. It's definitely time for a change though.

Anyway, since I was home by 3, Bethie and I went to see a few daycare centers in town. The first one we saw, I was going to turn around just by the looks of it outside. So I'm more of a snob than I admit... When we walked in, I walked in to the dining area where the kids eat, and of course my first thought was about security, that *anyone* could walk in to the center. It was just felt weird walking around, probably because I was so thrown off by the lack of security. All the kids were outside, and they were all different age groups. All the teachers were outside supervising, and the infant teachers were sitting in the shade holding the babies. I met the teacher for the 3 year olds, and I felt very comfortable with her. She is probably in her 30s, and again I guess it's my own snobbiness but I prefer that over the 18 year olds that work at the other centers. The outdoor play area had a lot of toys. The toys were well used, but still safe. The indoor room was very big and had tons of toys too. The kids were VERY friendly - when they saw Beth, they started to run up to her to meet her. I loved that! She played with them for a bit and was warmly welcomed and became outgoing after just a few minutes. I did see a child in timeout. The timeout definitely worked, and they spoke to her about apologizing and how to keep from doing the same thing in the future. The educational part is behind where Beth is - they learn shapes and colors, but she knows all those. The more I think about it, when I was in day care with my babysitter was back in the 70s, we didn't do educational things and I turned out okay. ;-) The pamphlet for the school talks about how they handle "disapline". I guess if they don't try to teach spelling that they can't really do any harm. So, we kept looking, but I think I knew this center would be Beth's favorite (if based on nothing more that I could not convince her to leave!)

We went to two other centers, both very new and owned by the same lady. They certainly look impressive, and I like their educational curriculum much better. They do teach Bible stories, which I don't *mind* as long as they are told in the sense of any other story or fable, and doesn't scare the kids with talk about hell or the devil. Their December curriculum of course was focused on Jesus, but didn't mention the story of the crucifixion, which I just think is too violent of a story for children. The outdoor area at the first of these centers was okay - just one big plastic playcenter. The outdoor area at the second center was TERRIBLE. There was NOTHING. Literally. It truly was like a run at the dog kennel - a big fenced-in square. The admin said they were having a second fundraiser and that after that was done, they would buy really nice play equipment. But... why should parents have to raise funds for something basic that their children need? Maybe instead of that leather couch in the lobby they could have bought a play set. Or instead of the lady driving a Lexus, she could drop a few grand into a play set. The rooms were about half the size of the first school, but I think they also have a fewer number of kids - they say they have half (or is it "double"?) the ratio required by the state. I didn't get to see the kids at the second center, but at the first, they were not outgoing. I guess it reminds me too much of the school we just left - I think the teachers are so rigid that the kids get scared and don't act out, but don't act like kids either. Does that make sense? When I went out to see the outdoor area, the kids ran for the door like a bunch of dogs. We had to stand in the doorway to keep them from going outside. It was just... weird and too much like a kennel.

The price for all of the centers is the same, or maybe the older one is $5 less per week. I still wouldn't consider a home-based daycare arrangement, just based on the horrible things I see in the news about estranged boyfriends stopping by and shooting people, to the guy who backed up a riding lawnmower over a 2 year old. (Is it any wonder I have to avoid news stories involving kids? Those stories horrify me for months after I hear them. I can't get them out of my head.)

I asked Beth which school she liked best and she said the "white school". Of course, they were all white buildings. So I kept asking and describing each, and eventually she said she wanted to go to the one where she played with the kids. For the record, that building had the least amount of white on the outside and the fewest white kids (just in case that's what she meant, but I'm positive it was not what she meant because she has never commented about anyone's race and of course plays with the neighbors whom she adores). I have no idea why that is the "white school". Maybe I've been trying to convince myself it's the right choice because I had prejudged it so harshly. But the more I thought about my old sitter Miss Ann, the more I think the teacher is like a young Miss Ann. I might have Frankie go by and check it out, but I have a feeling that is where we will have her go, at least for a little while to see how she likes it.

That's all. Beth and I are pooped from our adventures all across town. We're off to color and then it's bath time.

Carb craving

2005-10-12T19:57:00.000-04:00

I thought this was interesting... the main symptom that tipped me off to my recent bout of depression was carb craving. If it wasn't those little sugar cookies with drizzled icing and sprinkles, then I didn't want to eat... The carb cravings were the weirdest feeling. I never even had cravings like that when I was pregnant. It didn't even occur to me it was a symptom of depression until I talked to my doctor about it.

Chromium supplements may aid some with depression

29... and not for the last time

2005-10-11T23:16:00.000-04:00

I'm officially at 29... and holding.

Birthday Pictures

Fall is coming! Fall is coming!

2005-10-10T23:15:00.000-04:00

LAST day of school (or at least, that school....)

2005-10-05T18:53:00.000-04:00

Frankie told Beth that she would have to talk to me about school when I got home. And we did. We turned off the TV and we all sat on the couch. "Momma, why's the TV off?" "Because we're having an important talk" What I managed to get out of her was that the other kids did not let her play with them, that the teacher was mean and yelled not at her but at another kid, and she said they were mean to her when she was crying. I asked her if she wanted to go to a different school with a nice teacher and nice kids, and she said yes. We asked her that same question a few different ways, and she said yes each time. That's all we needed to hear. It wasn't school. It was THAT school.

Thank heavens we only paid for one week and not a whole month! The next school, I'm going to ask if we can pay the $35 for one day at a time until we're sure she likes it. She makes up her mind quickly. If they are confident in their care, they won't have a problem with it. And I don't care what anyone says - there are LOTS of daycares and preschools and we'll go to each damn one if we have to.

Beth's sweet and gentle soul never fails to amaze and inspire me. She deserves so much better than that.

And.... we're done.

2005-10-05T16:19:00.000-04:00

Beth went to school on Tuesday only on my promise that if she went to school every day this week, we would go to Chuck E Cheese on Saturday.

This morning, she simply would not go. The way she was screaming, Frankie did not force her to go, and she will not be going back. I wasn't thrilled with the center - I had an uneasy feeling that they treated the kids like cattle. When I dropped her off in the morning, they put the kids in front of a DVD until the teacher arrives at 8. And when Beth decided she didn't want to watch TV and went to go play, another KID scolded her and said "No toys!" The kids looked like zombies, all glazed over, sitting in one spot staring at the TV. I don't think they're allowed to play until 8. When I picked her up her first day, her shirt was wet with water, and the teacher said, oh yeah she played with water. Well... then change her shirt, because the shirt and her skin were very cold! Frankie picked her up yesterday while they were having outdoor time, and says the outdoor play area is similar to the kennel where our dog goes.

I trust Bethie. If she is that adamant about not going, then she does not have to. The girl was willing to give up Chuck E Cheese to go sit in the dentist's office for 2 hours while Frankie got his teeth cleaned. I don't believe it's an adjustment problem, or that she just misses Daddy and Princie and her Noggin shows. We enrolled her because we wanted her to be around other kids, which she seemed to enjoy. She's not enjoying it, and we don't have to put her in daycare, so we won't. Tonight I'll ask her if she wants to go to a different school, a real pre-school, half-time. I'll also look in to some gymnastics classes or some other group sport, so she can have fun with other kids, but in limited amounts and where I know the supervising adults aren't going to ignore her.

First day of "school"

2005-10-03T23:56:00.000-04:00

Bethie had her first day of "school" today. She was SO ready to spend more time with other kids her own age. It's time, you know? She was VERY excited, and couldn't get me out the door fast enough to drop her off. She was happy when we got there, happy (but a little tuckered out) when I picked her up, and she said she had a good time.

And then at bedtime she changed her mind. She came downstairs after we put her to bed and announced she didn't want to go back to school. She was very upset. We asked her a million questions to try to figure out why she didn't want to go back, and when we asked if anyone was mean she said "Yes" but she couldn't describe it (and believe me, she recounts every word of a conversation...). She decided that the smoke detector scared her again, even though it hasn't for months now. I think it's being away from Daddy that scares her, so I told her that trying new things is scary, like when I get a new job or meet a new friend, but she should keep trying because after a while it's not scary anymore. The pediatrician said toddlers regress a little when they go to school for the first time. But she was pretty clearly saying "I can't go to school tomorrow." (me: Why?) Her: "Because I can't." (me: Why can't you?) Her: "Because I *caaaaaaan't* go to school tomorrow."

But she obviously needs a little TLC and comforting, so she watched cartoons in my bed and when Krypto the Superdog was over, she went back to her own bed voluntarily like she said she would. (What CAN'T Krypto do?!) She just finally went back to bed at 11. I'm still going to ask her to try to go tomorrow, even if it's just to go get her jacket that we left there yesterday, in the hopes that seeing her friends and the cool toys will change her mind. I keep reminding myself about the kids who cry on their first day of kindergarten, only to be fine the second the parent leaves them. I'll tell the teacher what happened, even that Bethie said she was mean but couldn't say why she felt that way. And, if she's really in bad shape, they can call Frankie to come get her. I hope she can hang in there, though.

Making the decision to have a child--it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go on walking around outside your body. (Elizabeth Stone)

And damn, that hurts sometimes.

Fun with Google

2005-10-01T11:50:00.000-04:00

Do Google image searches for the following and pick one that you like from the first page to post:

1) First car.
My search: Ford Festiva

2) Where I grew up.
My search: Pasadena, MD

3) Where I live now.
My search: Raleigh, NC (not exactly, but close enough)

4) My name.
My search: Jennifer

5) An ex's name.
My search: Steve

6) Favorite food.
My search: popcorn

7) Favorite drink.
My search: Margarita

8) Favorite smell.
My search: vanilla

9) Favorite shoe.
My search: Strappy black sandals

10) Your dream vacation
My search: Italy

I know it's an addiction

2005-09-30T22:53:00.000-04:00

I adore shopping on the internet. No driving a half hour to get to Raleigh. No rummaging through untidy racks or piles of clothes. No dealing with a grumpy cashier. But I have spent a LOT of money over the past few days. I'm rationalizing that I'll be getting birthday money which I will put towards the bill...

ANYWAY. So I already have a pair of these pants that I bought before they went on clearance. I just bought two more. They are THE most comfortable lounge pants ever. So buy a pair and thank me later.

Oh, and do a google search for a coupon code for 10% off your whole purchase, or use the code from the main page of that site for 20% off. Never, ever pay full price. :-)

Is it bedtime yet?

2005-09-30T18:56:00.000-04:00

Frankie called a little while ago from the concert (he left at 3 or so) and he said his job tonight is to walk up and down an aisle and make sure people aren't smoking and what not. So he will get to see the whole show. My boss and his son want to work for the same company, so Frankie's going to help get them jobs there too. My boss and some coworkers get together for Patriot-Steeler games, so Frankie and my boss know each other.

Beth was good at the doctor. She was very, very good actually. At the end of the appointment though, the doctor told us that she was due to get two shots. I felt so bad because I told Bethie that going to the doctor wouldn't hurt. So before they came in I told her about the pen with medicine in it, and that it would hurt but it would keep her from getting sick. She was not happy.

After the shot, I let her play in the lobby for a while because they have a homemade jungle gym in there that she liked. Then it was getting late and we had to go drop off her forms at the school and pay the bill. I got to see the school for the first time. The teacher wasn't there, but the rooms seem nice. And she saw Miss Tina, her old babysitter, but when Tina went to pick her up Beth freaked out crying. She was still jittery from the doctor's office I think.

THEN it was off to McDonald's to play. There was another boy there and she played for a bit. I was having a hard time keeping the bees away from the food, so I packed it back up in the happy meal box. After she was done playing, she took a big gulp of orange pop from the straw and she got a BEE in her mouth. I guess he crawled in through the straw. Yuck. She didn't get stung, though. We dumped it out and got her more orange pop and she was fine with that. She's watching Krypto now, and when that's over I'll take her up for a bath. She actually told me that she had a good time today, so the shot must not have scarred her too much. ;-) Or I compensated enough by taking her to all sorts of places to play.

Oh, and she was 3 foot 2 1/2 inches and 32 pounds, both of which are 25th percentile. She used to be so big, and now she's so tiny. I asked the doctor about her weird toes and toenails, and she said the weird toes were because of uneven growth spurts, but would even out and to keep her in open toe shoes for as long as I can because shoes will squish the 'long' toes. And the toenails are just... factory original and that's how they will be. The doctor said they aren't a problem but make her more prone to ingrown toenails, and suggested we try filing them instead of cutting them.

Way too much "mommy talk". Some pictures from this week...

Whole Lotta Nuthin

2005-09-30T12:31:00.000-04:00

Our air conditioner broke last weekend. It had a 2 year warranty and our 2 years was up in July. So Frankie called our builder and played like he didn't know who to call, and after they put him on hold and accidentally hung up on him, he called back. They said that because of all we've been through, what with the exploding toilet and all, they would pay for the AC repair. When the guy came out to repair it, he said he would do it for no charge anyway. Then the next day it was broke again, or rather not fixed right the first time. So he came back again and fixed it for real. Frankie had bought a maintenance plan from him the day before, so it was covered.

And this was a week after our lawn mower was broken and had to go in for a repair. Punches in bunches.

I started working out again, just 3x a week to help me sleep better. I still think cardio is incredibly boring, but I do like lifting weights. I bought a complete new skincare regimen because I'm going to be 29 in two weeks and I'm tired of having zits. Okay, I have zits AND wrinkles. I had a reaction to one of the products and woke up with poofy, itchy red splotches under my eyes so I called out of work. No one wants to see that. (No, I didn't put zit cream around my eyes. The skin around my eyes is just very sensitive.)

I had to come home from work early today anyway because I have to take Beth to the doctor for her pre-daycare physical and shots record. Frankie is working a concert tonight, so it's just me and Bethie. I have to go get shampoo and conditioner today, so we'll probably go by Eckerd and get her a toy or candy if she's good at the doctors.

Beth starts daycare Monday. She's very excited and already knows the rules that Puppy has to stay in the car but she can take her blankie and a pillow for nap time. Frankie had taken her to Chuck E Cheese last Monday, and she met a friend and they played together for hours. So she's not shy at all, but it's definitely time for her to get used to having a teacher and classmates, and for her to have a best friend or two that she gets to see regularly.

Gas at the little station on Rt 50 was 3.79 yesterday. I thought it was a joke, but it's over 3 at a lot of stations around here. I've got to snap a photo of that 3.79 sign. Not only will no one believe that price, but the 3 is hand-written with red marker. It's classic southern style.

So how much do YOU pay for gas?

2005-09-24T14:14:00.000-04:00

$2.95/gallon at the station on the way to work. I was later able to find $2.79 and felt so lucky, I stopped in to top off a tank that was only half empty. Gotta take advantage of a bargain when you find it, right?

So how much do you pay for the cheap stuff and where are you geographically? Comments, please.

Random pictures

2005-09-22T19:39:00.000-04:00

Seven

2005-09-19T18:33:00.001-04:00

7 things I plan to do before I die:
Visit Italy
Live to see my grandchildren
Win the lottery
Pay off all my debt
Pay off my house
Become a boxer, even if it's only amateur
RETIRE!

7 things I can do:
Type really fast
Find amazing bargains when I shop
Take apart a computer and put it back together
Crochet
Cut hair, not always well, but I cut my husband's, daughter's and sometimes my mom's
Completely redecorate a room
Bake yummy treats

7 things I cannot do:
Make that 'rrrrrrrr' sound when saying a Spanish word
Go to and from work without swearing at someone (gimme a break, that's 90 minutes!)
Watch or read anything where a child is hurt
Ski - snow ski or water ski!
Kill a bug
Garden
Support our current President

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
Eyes
Belly
Sense of Humor
Easygoing, honest personality
Shaved head
Goatee
Intelligence

7 things I say most often:
Do you need help?
Look at all this #$%^$%^# dog hair!
I've gotta start working out.
I've gotta get more sleep.
That's a little ghetto.
I want to repaint this room.
I wonder what new jobs are posted online...

7 celebrity crushes:
Okay, I would never date a celebrity. But I can admire from afar...
Adrian Brody (because he looks like my hubby!)
Keanu Reeves
Will Smith
Timothy Olyphant
Mario Lemieux
Arturo Gatti
Jimmy Smits
(Tom Cruise didn't make the cut since he's become a cradle robbing cult member)

7 people I want to do this:
You
You
You
OH, and you..
You too!
Get busy you
Yep, you too...

Another survey type thingie

2005-09-19T18:33:00.000-04:00

1. What is your biggest hope for your child? I can't pick one. I hope that she is happy, healthy and independent. That she never depends on a man (or a woman if the case may be...) That she knows who she is, what she wants out of life and has the courage and strength to go get it. That she knows she is deserving of the best, and she does not have to settle for anyone or anything that does not treat her well.

2. What was your favorite television show as a child? When I was very little, Electric Company. Later I liked Who's the Boss (and totally wanted to be Alissa Milano) and the Wonder Years.

3. If you had a choice between going on Extreme Makeover OR Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, which would you choose? I wouldn't go to great lengths to improve my appearance. I will do little things, like working out or using wrinkle cream, but that show is major overhaul on your body. Plain and simple I think that's a horrible show and sends a terrible message. I wouldn't mind someone coming in and adding a screened in porch and a game room extension off the back. Maybe paint those cathedral ceilings that I can't reach. :-)

4. Think back to high school- what one embarrassing moment do you remember thinking you would never recover from but can now look back and laugh at the situation? Wow, that's a great question. I can't really nail down one thing. Maybe just how mean people were in general. It seemed downright cruel back then, and there was one chick who just hated me and I had no idea why. Looking back I understand more about insecurities, jealousy and the type of homelife that will cause people to treat others how they do. Granted, it doesn't make me laugh so it doesn't really answer the question... but it's the best I can do!

5. If you could invite one blogger over for dinner, who would that person be and why? (I'm fishing for new reads here. lol) I haven't been reading other blogs long enough to tell. I don't really "know" any of them very well. So I'll pick Zach Braff because I bet he'd be one funny dinner guest.

Arrrrgh, Matey!

2005-09-19T11:57:00.000-04:00

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day.

http://talklikeapirateday.com/

A friend of mine is now calling me "Captain Prissy Pants"

Sometimes you look at someone and think...

2005-09-18T02:13:00.000-04:00

THANK GOD that isn't me!

http://ryananddare.blogspot.com/

Scroll to the bottom of the page. That poor little thing - she looks like she's going to pop. She's still so pretty though. I had ONE baby inside me and looked like hell for 9 months.

Milk makes you pee

2005-09-17T11:13:00.000-04:00

I left my meds at my mom's house last weekend. I vowed to never use Medco again for mail order because they were a bunch of jerks, so I refilled the prescription at the local Eckerd. Only they only gave me 10 days worth of meds but still charged me $20. Last time I got 30 days worth for $20. So, I've got to stop by and see what's up.

Beth insisted on going to bed last night without a diaper. Then 5 minutes later she got out of bed, went downstairs and chugged a whole cup of milk. I went back into her room and asked if I could put a diaper on her because "milk makes you pee", but she wouldn't let me. But she *would* let me wake up at 4AM to help her out of her wet clothes! ;-) She slept in "PapPap's bed at Bethie's house" for the rest of the night because I didn't have it in me to strip the bed and do laundry. Besides, her mattress pad was wet too and probably even the mattress, and I certainly didn't want her sleeping on anything damp.

Frankie and I decided to drop our NC State classes. We didn't feel we were getting what we paid for and they agreed to refund our money for the classes we didn't take yet. There is nothing we did or learned in class that we couldn't learn on our own. Our teacher was reading to us from the textbook (word for word - very painful...) and giving us these practice tests he bought on the internet and going through the questions one at a time. The only problem was, people would shout out answers before Frankie and I were even done reading the question, so we got nothing out of that either. We downloaded all of the course materials from the website before we got our refund though, so we got that info for "free". Of course, the classes we did pay for were certainly no bargain, so my guilt-meter is at zero! We'll just buy the textbooks on our own and teach ourselves at our own pace.

Frankie is working security at the Rascal Flatts (sp?) concert tonight. He's decided to pick that back up again, so we'll see how it goes. He enjoys it and gets treated well, so I think that will work for him. He couldn't decide between working the concert or working the NC State football game. Can you imagine having a job deciding between two things you like, and you get to PICK what you work on? That's gotta be nice.

I think that's all that's new!

100 Things About Me

2005-09-15T23:13:00.000-04:00

1. I was born in Annapolis.
2. I have two older brothers.
3. I lost my first tooth on my oldest brother’s hand.
4. I went to college in Boston.
5. I was a security guard for the Boston Red Sox for a season.
6. I failed a whole bunch of pharmacy school classes, took some time off, went back to school and graduated summa cum laude. So parents, lay off your kids. They’ll go to college when they’re ready.
7. I still think it’s wrong to make a 17 year old child decide what they want to do with the rest of their life. How many of us are the same person we were when we were 17?
8. I have been married since 1999 and with my husband since 1995.
9. My husband is truly my best friend and soulmate.
10. I have a young daughter.
11. After she was born, I had severe post-partum depression.
12. I still have depression, only after this many years I don’t think it qualifies as “post partum” anymore.
13. I am medicated for your protection.
14. My favorite color is yellow, and my second favorite is gray. (Don’t analyze it – I know what it means from a psychological standpoint)
15. I’m a natural blond.
16. But I found my first gray hair about a month ago or so.
17. I love honey mustard dressing.
18. I have freakishly crooked fingers.
19. I don’t drink beer.
20. I love a really good salad bar.
21. My favorite salads have baby corn, black olives, sunflower seeds and tiny cubes of ham.
22. I own a house near Raleigh, North Carolina.
23. I wear a size 8 ½ shoe but am a little embarrassed because I think it’s sort of big.
24. I’m 5’7 so that makes a size 8 ½ shoe proportionate!
25. I hate fingernail polish, but feel so unfeminine if I don’t have it on.
26. I have a Rottweiler/Shepherd/Lab mix dog that we rescued from the pound.
27. I have a 24 pound cat that I used to say was ‘big boned’, but he’s not – he’s just fat.
28. I think it’s gross when guys wear sandals (aka “man-dals”)
29. I think it’s gross when guys wear tank tops or wife beaters.
30. I have a crush on every cop I meet.
31. I take extreme measures to poop in solitude.
32. I’m starting to dress like an old New Jersey housewife – think Carmella Soprano with an even fatter ass.
33. I’m truly flattered when I buy alcohol and the clerk asks for my ID.
34. It’s my personal mission to rid the world of walls painted white.
35. Certain people would never talk to me again if he knew I have had a black boyfriend. Or… 3 of them.
36. I’m not vegetarian, but when I eat out, I avoid meat because I think restaurant kitchens are dirty.
37. I’ll eat anything if it’s raspberry flavored.
38. I think Stonyfield Chocolate Underground yogurt is the world’s most perfect food.
39. I have two tattoos.
40. I’m going to get another tattoo as soon as I figure out where I want to put it that won’t sag as I get old, or stretch if I get fat.
41. I used to love to smoke pot, but stopped when I thought it made me a hypocrite to lecture my loved ones about drinking and/or smoking tobacco.
42. I am a recovering/surviving hockey wife.
43. If fans knew half the shit I knew about hockey, they would be too disgusted to be fans anymore.
44. I love to decorate and redecorate.
45. I like rooms with bold, coordinated colors, furniture with straight and simple lines, and without a lot of knickknacks or country ‘whimsy’.
46. I’m a bit of a neat freak.
47. I am a technical trainer.
48. I make waaaaay more money than people think I do.
49. I hate to go to concerts.
50. I hate to go anywhere there is a big crowd.
51. I think people born in America who still identify themselves as “Italian” or “Irish” etc lack any personal respect or identity.
52. I do not tan – only sunburn.
53. My inlaws have tried TWICE (that I know of) to get my husband to leave me.
54. My inlaws have no idea what a loving, protective and supportive wife I am.
55. I honestly don’t care what people think of me.
56. But I usually keep secrets from people because I don’t want to hear their opinions. (I can ignore them just fine, but I’d rather not hear it in the first place.)
57. I have secrets that no one knows about me, not even my husband.
58. The summer before I went to high school, one of my best friends’ mom killed herself. I wasn’t there for my friend as much as I should have, and ever since then I realized … I’m a shitty friend.
59. I now have one less secret.
60. I am stubborn.
61. I am proud.
62. But when I say “I’m sorry” I mean it.
63. I never accept defeat.
64. Lying and materialism are 2 of my biggest pet peeves.
65. I experience frequent bouts of road rage.
66. I try to garden but I’m pretty bad at it so I blame it on “bad soil”.
67. There is only one person in this world that I truly think is a genuinely evil person well-beyond rehabilitation, but I still feel a twinge of guilt when I relish in what she brings upon herself (and deserves!)
68. I watch the Golden Girls to help me get to sleep at night.
69. I think it is our duty, every one of us, to plant at least ONE tree every year.
70. I think organized religion is no different than any other cult.
71. I have had 2 physical experiences with ‘something’ invisible that I could not explain.
72. One of those experiences literally saved my life from an armed burglar.
73. I believe aliens exist.
74. I believe earth is the Alabama of the universe.
75. My mom is way too dramatic for her own good.
76. I think most people, deep down, are good people, but incurably selfish.
77. I think George W has done more damage to this world than terrorists ever could.
78. When I see yellow ribbon magnets I want to scream and tear them off the back of the gas-guzzling hypocrite’s SUV.
79. I support our troops through anonymous acts of charity because I believe supporting our troops involves more than a temporary magnet on my car.
80. When I see a sky-full of stars, it always stops me in my tracks and takes my breath away.
81. I love to take photos but I suck at it.
82. When I eat out, I always tip well. An extra dollar might not mean much to me, but it could mean a lot to someone who makes $2/hr.
83. When I went to college and had no money, I used to steal subs from the convenience store on the corner.
84. I also used to eat pasta with no sauce because I couldn’t afford the sauce.
85. I think you should not receive government assistance like WIC if you are voluntarily unemployed. I have nothing against public assistance OR stay at home moms, but don’t pop out the kids if you can’t afford ‘em.
86. My dad has macular degeneration and I am afraid he is going to go blind.
87. I already have some of the symptoms he has, and I’m afraid I’m going to go blind too.
88. I think the worst part of going blind is not being able to tell if there are bugs in your food.
89. I am not a forgiving person, and usually hold a grudge for years.
90. I think weddings should be abolished as a government function and should entirely be a religious ceremony. After all, it’s not like your legal status changes and you are entitled to your husband’s inheritance or his health insurance if you have been Baptized or Confirmed or been through any other ridiculous religious ceremony.
91. I think weddings will never be abolished, because there are too many shallow women who just want to have a wedding (not necessarily a marriage).
92. I love my Honda.
93. I sing LOUDLY when I’m alone in my car.
94. I do a moving rendition of O Canada.
95. Simple is ALWAYS better.
96. From a mile away, I can spot someone who is doing things just for attention.
97. I never let on when I know someone is lying. The longer you let someone lie, the bigger (and more entertaining) the lies become.
98. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
99. I make resolutions I do not keep.
100. But I NEVER make a promise I do not keep.

Like the school's fat chick before the prom...

2005-09-14T23:37:00.000-04:00

...no one wants to talk to me. I can't even count how many IT jobs I've applied for and I've received NO calls back.

I feel financially trapped. Like I can't quit my job and do something I'd enjoy because I can't let my family down. And that feeling SUCKS.

The Weaker Sex

2005-09-13T11:37:00.000-04:00

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OBsays, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their teen years. Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

One down, four to go!

2005-09-08T11:48:00.000-04:00

I passed the second A+ exam yesterday and I'm now a certified A+ PC technician! W00t! Word travels fast - I'm going to my mom's tomorrow and while I'm there she wants me to help her fix her computer because it's running slow. Ha ha!!

Frankie and I are going to see Matt Costa and Jack Johnson tonight in Cary. If you've never heard Matt Costa, check him out. I'm more excited about seeing him than about seeing Jack.

And just WHERE have boneless buffalo wings been all my life? I can't get enough of them. I beg Frankie to go to Applebee's for them, and even when we stop at Denny's on the way home from class, I get them there too! YUM!! I can't stand regular wings because peeling meat off a bone makes me ill, but oh my. The last time I was like this about a food was when I couldn't get enough of the bread from this little restaurant in Charlottesville - I literally ate LOAVES at a time. Of course, I was pregnant then and NO I am not pregnant this time.

Football season starts tonight - GO PATS!!

So let's see...

2005-09-05T11:25:00.000-04:00

I passed my A+ Hardware exam. I am taking the OS exam on Wednesday and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail because my teacher blows.

I saw 40-year-old Virgin and it was hil-a-ri-ous.

I'm on vacation this week, and get NINE WHOLE DAYS where I don't have to work. I even turned my Blackberry off. And after that, I'm going to work from home for a week to save gas.

The weather here has been so beautiful - I have all the windows open and am just enjoying the breeze.

That is all.

Roger

2005-09-03T12:54:00.000-04:00

Brownies

2005-08-28T16:02:00.000-04:00

OK, everyone....time to take the Dessert Test. If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, (and you were very, very hungry) which would you choose? Pick your dessert (sorry, you can only pick one), and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you! After taking this dessert personality test, send this e-mail on to others, but when you do, be sure to put your choice of dessert in the subject box. ALSO, SEND IT TO THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU!

Angel Food Cake
Brownies
Lemon Meringue
Vanilla cake with Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate on Chocolate
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake

NO!, you can't change your mind once you scroll down! So think carefully what your choice will be!
OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you!

ANGEL FOOD CAKE.... You are sweet, loving, and cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items and a little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.

BROWNIES... You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of under dogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your Saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

LEMON MERINGUE... Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING... You are fun-loving, sassy, and humorous. Not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation.
Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly emotional at times.

CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE... Sexy; always ready to give and receive. You are very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. You will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

ICE CREAM... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

CARROT CAKE... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm-hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

REMEMBER - PUT YOUR CHOICE OF DESSERT IN SUBJECT BOX ABOVE BEFORE YOU FORWARD

Brain cramp

2005-08-24T21:37:00.000-04:00

Frankie and I booked our A+ exams tonight! I'm excited. We have to take two exams each for the first of five certifications. The first exam is on Wed Aug 31 and the second is Wed Sep 7. I have never studied so hard in my life. If I fail the exam on the 31st I will just be crushed. I don't think I will though -- I know the material okay, I know the one topic I need to study between now and the 31st, and I've taken every practice test I can find online.

I made country ribs in the crock pot for dinner. Gotta love a crock pot. I made my own bbq sauce that I put on top. I didn't have any sauce and I didn't have the ingredients to make one from the recipes I found, so I created my own recipe. I never do that! I never have the confidence to just try different things. But it worked, and there was not ONE piece of leftover pork! And a $3 dinner for two ain't too shabby.

Tonight I'm relaxing. My brain needs a night off.

New camera

2005-08-22T21:34:00.000-04:00

So y'all are going to have to suffer with horrible photos until I learn how to use my new one. The flash keeps whiting everyone out, and all the other pictures turn out too blurry. But I'm working on it!

Squatter!

2005-08-22T20:58:00.000-04:00

This was taken at the house my in-laws are building.

Lowe's is Toys R Us for grown ups

2005-08-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

I bought paint today at Lowe's. I'm going to do my upstairs hallway. Maybe the workout room if I like the color enough. Or... the paint will just sit there for a few months and I'll have TWO rooms that I've bought paint for and never painted.

I resisted the urge to buy a ceiling fan, because I haven't even started to look up how to install one.

I picked out a new design for the bathroom downstairs - light green and beige instead of the dark, dark purple. And we bought a flat panel TV for that bathroom, so the picture's a little nicer when you're on the pooper. (Yes, we have a TV in the pooper so that if you're watching a movie or something on TV like live boxing, you don't have to bother the people watching it with you because you have to pause it. That's just a pet peeve of mine. Unless I'm the one that has to pee.)

Hopefully my camera will get here Monday and I can take some before and after pictures. Otherwise you will be subjected to some 1.3MP shots. ;-)

Ahhh... Quiet Time

2005-08-20T14:36:00.000-04:00

I've instituted "Quiet Time" since when Beth goes to school, she'll need to spend 2 hours in "nap time". Well, I don't think the girl is going to nap, but to get her used to not being able to run around like a mad woman, we now have QUIET TIME - 2 glorious hours with no TV.

All I hear is her peeling stickers and putting them on paper.

It's beautiful.

Karma, the Bitch

2005-08-16T23:08:00.000-04:00

Today at work I went into the bathroom and there was bloody pee on the toilet seat. How a chick manages to piss on the toilet seat, I will never know. So of course I picked a different stall.

I did my business, and was washing my hands when who should walk in but one particular leather-skinned bleachbag that I don’t particularly like.

She heads STRAIGHT to the pee stall.

I didn’t say a word.

That will teach her to give my training class a rating of only “fair”.

OH!

2005-08-13T11:19:00.000-04:00

And I bought a new camera. I ordered Kodak Easy-Share CX7430 4.0MP (Refurb) from Tiger Direct for $130! I'm sure as soon as it gets here I will be playing around with it! I'll post some pics as I learn how to best use it.

Grrrr.... Bravenet

2005-08-13T11:10:00.000-04:00

So I can only access Bravenet through a browser proxy. How messed up is that? What, is my IP address on some internet blacklist? UGH.

My in-laws have left. Thank goodness. Now I can start getting my house back together. Although they are storing a LOT of their shit here until their house is ready. It wouldn't bother me if it was truly out of the way, but I went to put Beth's suitcase back in her closet, and I couldn't find a place for it. And now I want to paint the den but it's full of their shit. I had some toys that Beth had outgrown, and I wanted my parents to take to my neice and nephew when they went to visit, but I couldn't even GET to them for all the shit in the way. They don't even have to be here to annoy me.

My A+ hardware class is finished. Now all that's left is to STUDY STUDY STUDY!!! I think I'm going to start applying places once I get the A+ certification (I have to pass A+ software too, but we should be done by the end of August. I found a job listing for helpdesk at a women's reproductive health advocacy group. Although I am quite strongly anti-abortion and have been since I was pregnant with my own, I think it would be a good environment to work with a bunch of other feminists. And wouldn't they love to see an IT CHICK, since it goes against the sexist generalization that IT is a man's world. But it would be about 20K less per year, which I just can't afford... so I think I'm going to have Frankie apply. At first I thought it would be a bad idea, but what has he been doing for the past 4 years? Being a stay at home DAD! Feminists are going to eat that up.

I'm a bitch

2005-08-08T20:31:00.000-04:00

and I just wish everyone would leave me alone.

Sometimes I could scream

2005-08-05T22:24:00.000-04:00

They flat out lie and steal. Shamelessly.

What is the difference between sympathy and pity? Is pity over a longer time period?

What is the difference between a religion and a cult?

And for the record, I already knew why men had nipples.

NOT GOOD!

2005-08-02T22:35:00.000-04:00

I found my first gray hair today. Pass the Kleenex... and a BIG bottle of bleach!!!

Freaky Monday

2005-08-01T22:02:00.000-04:00

Is it just me or was today WEIRD? People were getting all pissy at work over nothing, full of drama, blah. It's just a job, people. I know, it sounds hypocritical because I bitch about my job a lot, but I've been trying to keep that saying in mind... that if I died today, I would be replaced at work within 2 weeks, but my family would feel the effects forever. So why would I put so much emphasis into my work, when that's not who cares about me?

This weekend Frankie and I cleaned up the house a bit. Not cleaned so much as cleared. We got rid of the big computer desk, and moved the old kitchen table to be our new computer desk. It's sort of shabby chic. Shabby chic isn't really my style - I like the modern, clean styles a bit more, but somehow this works. It kind of goes with the "simple" theme. Beth's playroom (the room that is technically the dining room) has been converted into a workout room. She still has some toys in there, but most of them have been moved up to her room. So we took a bunch of stuff to the dump, like the old entertainment center we disassembled weeks ago. We went to Lowe's and got some mulch and fill dirt, and a little screen to go around the AC unit to hopefully give it some shade so it will be sucking in cool air instead of hot air. I need to plant trees, but seeing as how it is so hot, that will just have to wait until fall.

My IT classes are going well. I'm learning a lot - I was really overwhelmed at first, but it's all falling in to place. I'm getting more and more of the practice questions right as each day goes along. So hopefully by the end of the month I'll have my A+ certification. Not that it's that impressive, but if I ever get completely fed up with my job, I can just quit. I'll have to wait until Frankie gets a job before I quit, but if he gets his A+ too, we can both work at a helpdesk for $15/hr and we'll get by just fine. (Oh, and my Microsoft Office Specialist certificate arrived this morning. My first certification...)

Frankie's parents are coming to visit again at the end of the week. I don't know why - there's practically nothing that's been done on their house. And MIL is going to the doctor tomorrow to get a note excusing her from work for a week. WTF? I can't stand that type of work ethic (or lack thereof). I can see calling out sick when you need a mental health day, but a whole week? That's flat out lying and it makes me sick.

And my mom and dad are supposed to stop by on Sunday to drop Beth back at home. She'll have been gone for 2 weeks, and I miss her like crazy. The bad side is that Frank's parents will be here, and I was planning a nice little dinner for my parents and me and Frankie. And my parents don't exactly like Frank's parents very much. So I was going to offer to take them to this great Italian restaurant as a thank you for the babysitting, but now my mom is on whatever retarded diet of the day, I think Atkins maybe, and so pasta isn't the best choice now is it... Blah. I don't know how to solve this one.

I've started a new website. I have no idea why. I'm too busy to even check my email every day, so I doubt I'll update it much. I'll post the link when it's a little bit further along.

I was so horribly depressed yesterday and this morning. Sometimes I just want someone to take care of me, instead of the other way around. If I lost my job, my family would be fucked. That's some insane pressure, and it's been that way for FOUR YEARS. I need a break. I need someone to take care of ME. I want to sleep in now and then. I want to clean the house and call it a day. I want to be able to play with Beth and not be exhausted from work and school. I'm tired of being nothing more than a money-making machine. I need to recharge. I need... something.

A yummy home cooked meal helped tonight. Breaded and baked pork chops with mushroom rice and cucumber salad. It was comforting, and I enjoyed it 100 times more than I would have enjoyed the fanciest dinner in a restaurant.

And I'm trying SO HARD to save up for a new digital camera. It's hard for me - I start saving and then end up spending the money on something else. I'm trying. I think spending some time finding the beauty around me will help. I can see the beauty now, like a bright red ladybug on a pepper plant, but my shitty camera makes the shot come out blurry. Frustrating.

Okay, off to watch an episode of Dead Like Me. Then nighty night.

colorquiz.com

2005-07-31T10:38:00.000-04:00

Eerie. This is the most accurate personality test I've ever taken. www.colorquiz.com

Your Existing Situation
Dissatisfied. The need to escape continued involvement with her present circumstances makes it imperative for her to find some solution.

Your Stress Sources
Feels unappreciated and finds the existing situation threatening. Wants personal recognition and the esteem of others to compensate for the lack of like-minded people with whom to ally herself and make herself more secure. Her sensual self-restraint makes it difficult for her to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and merge with another. This disturbs her as she regards such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome; only by not succumbing to them, she feels, can she withstand the difficulties of the situation. Wants to be valued as a desirable associate and admired for her personal qualities.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.

Your Desired Objective
Alert and keenly observant. Is seeking fresh avenues offering greater freedom and the chance to make the most of them. Wants to prove herself and to achieve recognition. Striving to bridge the gap which she feels separates her from others.

Your Actual Problem
Agitation, unpredictability, and irritation accompanying depleted vitality and intolerance of further demands have all placed her in a position in which she feels menaced by her circumstances. Feeling powerless to remedy this by any action of her own, she is desperately hoping that some solution will provide a way of escape.

Your Actual Problem #2
Feels insufficiently valued in her existing situation, and is seeking different conditions in which she will have greater opportunity of demonstrating her worth.

Bored...

2005-07-16T10:12:00.000-04:00

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Go go go Joseph...

2005-07-16T09:40:00.000-04:00

Frankie and I went to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat at the NC Theatre on Wednesday. It was so much fun! We got all dressed up (unlike some of the rednecks there...) we stopped at our favorite Thai restaurant on the way there. We got there very early and just sat by the reflecting pool for a while. I don't think Frankie has ever really been to a live show like that, other than rock concerts, and he actually liked it and asked me what Camelot was about, because that's their next performance! I'm going to check out how much season tickets are, but we got good balcony seats (if there is such a thing) for only $19 each because it was a weeknight. Besides, I want to see more performances than just the ones at the little theater!

today's images

2005-07-03T12:36:00.000-04:00

Countdown to dread...

2005-07-03T11:35:00.000-04:00

My in laws are coming in a matter of hours. Thank god for medication...

After the horrible realization of how much school is going to cost us (almost $900 more per MONTH!) we're doing what we can to save money. My mom has picked out a few weeks over the next several months where she can keep Beth from Tuesday through Friday so we can go to our two classes. Each week she does that saves us $120, so that is going to help immensely. We usually meet at a rest stop about 2 hours from our house, and 1.5 hours from my parents' house, to do the baby-switch. Totally worth it.

My dad is going to help us put some tile up around the garden tub in my bathroom. Right now it is just a plain wall. How retarded is that? The paint is already peeling off in some areas because of the water that Beth splashes onto it. So I have those plain 4x4 white shiny tiles picked out (the ones that are about 14 cents each at Lowe's!). My dad keeps encouraging me to pick colors out too for accents, but I have no idea what to choose. I intentionally have white rugs and white towels so that when I ever have the money to either pay someone to paint up to the cathedral ceiling, it will be the color on the wall and the white as the contrast. I was thinking light purple. My problem is that I change my mind A LOT, and I don't want to have green accent tiles on my wall and decide I want a different color in my bathroom. Ooohhh... I wonder if I could paint my own accent tiles. THAT would be cool. Okay, off to find some info on tile-painting... :)

2005-06-30T19:30:00.000-04:00

1. First name: Jen

2. Were you named after anyone? Whoever was the inspiration for the millions of "Jennifer Lynn"s from the 70s

3. Do you wish on stars? Yes, shooting stars

4. When did you last cry? Today just a tear or two, when I said goodbye to a good friend at work.

5. Do you like your handwriting? I wouldn't say I like it, but it gets the job done.

8. What is your most embarrassing CD? ??? I just purged the house, so I don't really have any embarrassing CDs left.

9. If you were another person, would YOU be your friend? A friendly acquaintance, but not a close friend. I don't really have close, close friends.

10. Do you have a journal? Yes, online only.

11. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No I'm just in a really bad mood.

12. What are your nicknames? Jen and J-Fro

13. Would you bungee jump? Yep

14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Only if I have to in order to get them off (like my running shoes).

15. Do you think that you are strong? Extremely strong willed, strong spirited, independent, all that crap. Strong physically, eh somewhat.

16. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Cheap chocolate, the gummier the better.

17. Shoe Size? 8 1/2

18. Red or pink? Pink. Red is one of my least favorite colors.

19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My post-baby tummy

20. Who do you miss most? I don't know.

22. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Grey pinstripe knee length skirt and black sandals (work outfit)

23. What are you listening to right now? DragonTales

24. Last thing you ate? Pretzels

25. Crayon, what color would you be? One of those cheap RoseArt crayons whose label doesn't quite match the crayon, and you end up using it and realizing it wasn't what you expected at all.

26. What is the weather like right now? Hot and humid.

27. Last person you talked to on the phone? My husband, last night on the drive home.

28. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Whether they are fat or not (sorry, just being honest) I don't care or judge because of it, it's just what I notice first because of my own insecurities.

30. Favorite Drink? Any of the clear diet sodas (Sprite, Sierra Mist, 7-Up)

31. Hair Color? Blond with highlights

32. Eye Color? Blue

33. u wear contacts? Yep.

34. Favorite Food? Broccoli, popcorn, raspberries

37. Favorite Day Of The Year? New Year's Day - a fresh start.

38. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Scary movies with happy endings. I've been really in to documentaries lately.

39. Summer Or winter? Fall

40. Hugs or kisses? Hugs. I only want kisses from a partner of the opposite sex, and even then so few of them know how to do it well enough to make it worthwhile, if not to keep it from being flat out disappointing.

41. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Lately, raspberry cheesecake that I make. Ice cream, pudding, whatever. I like dessert.

44. Living Arrangements? Husband, daughter, dog, cat in our house in the country

45. What Books Are You Reading? Eh, something from work about how to be a good trainer.

46. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Verizon logo. And dirt. And marker stains.

47. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Cops. It's like porn for me. Then Sopranos on DVD, then a TiVo'ed episode of Six Feet Under in bed.

48. Favorite Smells? Vanilla, or Buttercream candles from Yankee Candle.

49. Favorite Sounds? My daughter's laughter

50. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Nothing is better than the Beatles!

51. What's the furthest you've been from home? California. Maybe going to the UK in the next month or so.

52. Do you have a special talent? Nothing G rated. (I'm kidding, you perverts!) I think painting or decorating or baking.

53. What is your ring tone? A phone ringing. My old ringtone started to annoy me ("Friday I'm in Love")

I'm such a nerd

2005-06-30T19:25:00.000-04:00

www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

If only I could decide what to buy!

2005-06-30T18:52:00.000-04:00

The Home Depot Offers 10 Percent Discount

By American Forces Press Service

ATLANTA, June 28, 2005 – Home Depot announced today all active duty personnel, reservists, retired service members, veterans and their families will receive 10 percent off their purchases in recognition of Independence Day.

The offer is good on purchases up to $2,000 for a maximum discount of $200 between June 30 and July 4 at Home Depot stores, Home Depot Floor Stores, Home Depot Landscape Supply stores and EXPO Design Center locations.

"This holiday is about celebrating the founding of this great nation and the freedoms we all enjoy," said Bob Nardelli, Home Depot chairman, president and chief executive officer. "With that same reflection, the Home Depot recognizes the dedication and sacrifices made by the U.S. military community and its families. Offering military personnel, veterans and their families a discount is our way of saying 'thanks' and helping them create a safe and comfortable home environment."

To qualify, individuals must present proof of military service to the special services desk at any Home Depot store, where they'll get a coupon redeemable at any cashier's checkout register. Discount coupons are valid on a single receipt in-store purchase only. See the coupon for details and exceptions.

Home Depot's commitment to the U.S. military include the launch of Project HomeFront in 2003, through which the company donated $1 million and 1 million volunteer hours to help military families at home while their spouses were deployed. In July 2004, a $1 million donation in tools and supplies was made to support U.S. troops in the rebuilding effort in Iraq. In September, the company launched Operation Career Front, a program to provide career opportunities to separating and retiring military servicemembers, military spouses and other veterans.

Since the beginning of Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom, Home Depot has had as many as 1,800 of its associates called to active duty. The corporation has extended and enhanced leave of absence benefits for each of its deployed associates. In addition, Home Depot hired 10,000 veterans in 2003, and 15,000 veterans in 2004.

The company offered a 10 percent discount to military personnel during the recent Memorial Day weekend also.

(Based on a Home Depot press release.)

2005-06-26T09:45:00.000-04:00

Cheesecake!

2005-06-26T09:03:00.000-04:00

This recipe is soooo good! I just made it for the second time, and this time used blackberries and blackberry jam. Mmmmmmm

I'm here...

2005-06-25T12:08:00.000-04:00

Wow this site is slow. Oh well. I won't be asking for a refund any time soon...

Frankie and I have been doing GREAT with purging our house! Our living room looks like we're getting ready to move. (Frankie says it looks like we've been robbed, but I prefer the moving analogy.) The downstairs only HAS 3 rooms - our kitchen, the dining room that we use as Beth's playroom and a huge family room - but the downstairs is really becoming clutter free. It's the family room that we've worked on the most. It's looking great. I feel like I could have it clean in about 15 minutes if I had to, and that's our goal. Why keep a bunch of knick-knacky shit around if you just have to dust it anyway? I bought some very simple curtain holdbacks for the living room. I have these heavy velvet curtains that I got at Target, and I had been tying them back with ribbons. Which... was okay if the ribbons were tied up pretty, but Frankie doesn't quite have the flair for ribbon tying that I do, so it looked sort of ghetto. Now we have REAL curtain holdbacks that I got online at Bed Bath and Beyond for 6 bucks each! We're getting a new entertainment center this weekend, or rather, exchanging the entertainment center for a much simpler and smaller TV stand.

Everything else is same old same old. I did have a funny experience at work the other day. I was in the middle of teaching a class, and my BlackBerry goes off with a new email. I usually ignore it until I get back to my desk, but I was waiting for the students to finish their assignments, so I took a peak. I'm on a distribution list for every time someone starts or ends their employment with the company. And it was one of those emails. Only the employee was... ME!!! I was like, hm.... okay, I'm fired. I guess I should end class now!! Of course it turns out they were just updating my files, and the end date was 5/2, which is the date I stopped being a data manager and started being a trainer. It was still funny. A lot of people didn't actually read it that closely... the CEO called my boss's boss to ask her what had happened, my boss's boss just about had a heart attack. I mean, people have been treating me like I'm a dog poop on their shoe, but when they were forced to think about what would happen if I left... well, I started to feel the love.

Frankie's parents didn't end up moving in with his sister after all. They said the house would be too "hectic". Well, that's putting it nicely. They instead moved in with Frankie's dad's brother, who about 10 years ago literally stole thousands from them in their joint business, and never has repaid them. But they would still rather live with someone who STOLE from then than with their daughter and her collection of white trash bastards. Too funny, if you ask me. At first Frankie and I were disappointed (and we told them quite honestly) because we wanted them to move in and see the things about those people that we do. But... maybe they already do see it. We'll see how it is when they come visit, because G-d help me if they start talking about their grandkids, I'm going to politely tell them to STFU. We don't ever discuss those people in our house. Beth only has 2 cousins, as far as we're concerned, only 1 aunt, and that is all in MY brother's family.

6/14 photos

2005-06-14T12:38:00.000-04:00

Hmph. How bout that.

2005-06-12T14:31:00.000-04:00

So I haven't updated my journal in like 3 weeks and my how things have changed. My job isn't awful. I do love training and teaching. I continue to put out some kick ass modules. Want to learn about federal regulations for research and how it applies to a data manager? You've got a lesson. I mean, I'm just banging these things out, right? So... our "president" (she's just the data division president) is apparently in fear for her job, and when that happens, she becomes a back biting bitch. We had an asshole customer come in, and they decided they weren't convinced that I was capable of training in Oracle. So instead of telling them f*ck you, we hired her based on her experience and education, they say, 'oh you're right! We'll bring in some external training immediately!' So I stopped the training I was developing for them (which was halfway done, and which the data managers have been begging me for and practically bribing me so they can get in to one of the first classes). Whatever, right. I'm getting much better at just rolling with the punches at work, only because my boss Richard is AWESOME. If he wasn't there, I would be so long gone...

But, like the cluster fuck that company is, no one actually KNOWS how to get external training. They all say they want this one particular company, and all I know about them is that they trained one of our data managers for 5 days and she failed both Oracle exemption tests I created, when all of MY students have passed the test. Great training, let's buy it!! But again, whatever. If they want to spend thousands and thousands on this, then go ahead. But then the programming manager sticks his head in, saying I was "actioned" to get the training bought (when I was not) so he decided to step up and do it. Asshole. Then my boss's boss, who knows less about data than Richard, tells me to get "certified" to teach Oracle Clinical. Um, there ARE no certification programs.

I got out of my last job because I was tired of asshole customers. Now I still have asshole customers, only they are within my own company.

Wow, so that was long and boring.... sorry.

My student loans went through for the computer training program at NC State. Frankie and I are going there twice a week in the evenings from the end of July through mid-December and we SHOULD be able to get FIVE IT certifications by December. FIVE. I'm ready for a career change, but I can't afford to go back to entry level wages. The A+ certification is first, so I might be able to go get a helpdesk job while I'm waiting to get the other certifications. If it gets bad enough in training, that's what I'll do. I've already told Richard - as soon as my student loans get approved, my butt will be vapor in 6 months... The whole program is $3500, with books included, but not including the cost of the exams. Frankie and I each borrowed an extra $1K to cover the babysitting we'll need.

We placed an ad on craigslist.com and I swear a DAY later we had hired a sitter. She works at the daycare center right up the street (literally, under 1 mile from us) AND the same daycare center that we liked the best and were considering sending Beth to. So that will work out nicely, I think. It will be insanely expensive. We advertised $10/hour thinking that would be the compensation for having someone drive in from Raleigh, Durham or even Chapel Hill (20 miles at least). So this woman is going to make a killing... but then again she has years of childcare experience and at the daycare, she works in the infant room. If she can handle 10 infants, she can handle an independent 3 year old. She's also been working with the same daycare owner for 3 years. All that's left to do is drive by the center and make sure her car is actually there, and she does, in fact, work there.

So Frankie's parents sold their house in MA. I can't remember if I wrote about that or not. They have to be out on Monday. They are SUCH fucking drama queens about this move. Gee, when WE moved once a year for about 5 years, no one gave us any fucking sympathy. And we didn't have the money to hire movers! God, I can't stand those people. And they are moving near us. Whoopitydo. They are first moving in with Frankie's sister in MA on Monday, and then on July 3 they are flying down here to house hunt with our old realtor. We insisted on the realtor, as the last time they were here house hunting they ran Frankie absolutely ragged with NO fucking appreciation. And they put a poor 2 year old baby in the car all damn day for their petty house shopping. Not to mention how OBNOXIOUS they are about what they want in a house. "We want ALL brick". Well, they don't really make ALL brick houses here. But on top of that, it has to have a first floor master bedroom -- okay, that's maybe do-able. But then, dual-zone heating and ONLY county tax, not county and city, plus a screen porch and a whirlpool tub in the master bath. Whatthefuckever. Houses here don't HAVE dual zone heating. They want a house that's already built, well.... suck it up, you don't get to choose everything in a house that's already built. Anyway, I told Frankie no fucking way are they doing that to Beth again, and we would put them in touch with a realtor who could schlep them around for a week because at least they'd make about $9K out of it. So we tell Frank's dad this, and he freaks because (surprise) he doesn't want to pay!! Um, tightwad, you don't PAY the realtor when you're BUYING a house - the seller does. They are so god damned stupid.

But I guess the only GOOD thing is that they are moving in with Frank's sister for at least a month, maybe 2 or 3 depending on how long they have to wait for the house down here to be ready. That is going to be PERFECT. I predict:
1. On the first or second night, both his sister and her husband will leave to go out drinking, and leave the kids in Frankie's parents' care (treating them like free babysitters).
2. The house will be an absolute pig sty shithole (as it always is). Frank's mom will of course feel obligated to clean. After about 2 weeks of cleaning, she will get incredibly pissed and start yelling at her daughter, who will in turn yell at her to mind her own business.
3. The sister will brainwash her kids into saying things like "Please don't go Nana".
4. The sister's husband will start to get sick of having his in-laws around all the time, and will be gone all the time drinking. This will cause Frankie's dad to give everyone a lecture, further pissing everyone off.
5. After the move or very close to it, there will be major fireworks (like last time when Frank's sister had her husband ARRESTED and sent to JAIL for months). Yep, these are real classy people... The sister is truly psychotic, and the drama queen will come up with SOMETHING in an attempt to get Frankie's parents not to move. OR, she will decide to leave her husband and try to move in with her parents down here (because god knows she can't actually get a JOB). Mark my words. I'm dead serious.

Hmm... let's see... since I'm on a bitching rampage, let's talk about my own mom for a minute. My parents came up over Memorial Day weekend for a Mercedes road rally in Raleigh. You get to car shop and then test drive the Mercedes SUVs on their little test course with those cute little cones and fake deer popping up. It's really cool and my dad, Frankie and I all went together. Well, that weekend, of course Frankie just served up a storm, barbequeing, cleaning, everything. And my mom wouldn't get off the damn computer. She saw Beth for like 5 minutes, and decided, okay, what's happening on my HGTV boards? Then when she found we bought a Scrabble game for the computer, she played that the entire time. My daughter kept asking her to play with her, and my mom kept blowing her off for a fucking computer. And now I wonder if that's how it always is when she goes to visit them at their house. I mean, if she acts like that at MY house, then of course she thinks that's acceptable. So I'm busting my ass cooking the corn and salad and things, and I'm still having to get Beth snacks and juice and things because god forbid my mom pull away from the computer to actually HELP my daughter with something as simple as getting more juice. I was SO bullshit.

And yesterday, she sends out one of her famous group emails... including family members and some of her old friends from high school, with an update on my middle brother. Who the fuck cares? Oh, there's an opening with the police department where he's been volunteering, and he knows he could get it, but he's decided to move back to the east coast instead. Right, I'm sure it's not because he couldn't afford to keep his house if he was a cop. And I'm sure it's not because his wife is from southern Maryland and has busted his balls about moving them 3000 miles away from her family, only to lose the job that took them out there. But those are details my mom fails to include in her braggart emails. Instead, she sends a link to the online listing for their house. WHY would anyone want that? I mean, I love real estate and I ADORE comparing houses and floorplans and such, and even *I* don't give a shit about some house in Seattle. But the real reason my mom sent that out? The asking price. She wanted to brag about how nice of a house her [unemployed] son has ... or had... because he has to sell it now that he can't afford it because he's a VOLUNTEER cop. Gee, ya think my mom sent out my house listing when I was going to move? Um... nope.... a $140K house isn't worth bragging about, in her mind. (When I love it and couldn't be more proud that I have a house at all!)

I swear the materialism gets to me. And one would think from societal clues, that it is the younger generation that is materialistic. Well, for me, all signs point to the old farts being the shallow, selfish, materialistic ones.

All right. Enough. I'm going to plant some ivy in the yard, and clean out the cars today. Yes, my USED cars. My own car with 80K miles on it. Materialistic, ain't I?

So where the hell have I been?

2005-05-21T01:26:00.000-04:00

Where HAVE I been? I'm sadly going down the path to nerd-dom. Not geeky (I'm not that smart). Nerdy. Because I like my job. I have put together SO much training. All from scratch. I've got TWO Oracle classes I'm starting June 1. I'm scared out of my mind that my students will know more than me, but oh well... it's an intro class. ;-) I'm bringing home my laptop and putting together slides after Beth goes to bed. It's such a refreshing change from my past jobs. I do love data management, but I just can't take one more dumb ass client who talks down to me because I'm a lowly data person and they have no freaking clue what I do or the training or education it takes to do it. And oh yeah, on that sort of pissy, defensive note, I've developed a class on what a data manager does. And the whole damn company is going to have to take it as part of the new hire training. So NAH.

Beth went to stay with my mom for a week last week. We had originally planned to go pick her up on Thursday, and then that day came and went and she was still having a good time, and the next day, and the next day. So Frankie and I packed in all our 'couple time' by Thursday and sat around on our bums the whole weekend. Of course, I sat on the couch doing work, but we've already covered that.

Frankie headed up to Philly tonight for the U2 concert. We're going to the Atlanta show in the fall -- we have fabulous seats. And he's taking me to Jack Johnson here in Raleigh for our anniversary in August. I'm not a concert person, mostly because I can't stand being around crowds and traffic and drunk people. But I'm becoming more mellow with each passing year, and especially now that I'm not constantly hanging on to my sanity, white-knuckled, because of a job that beats me down every day.

I got vanity plates for my car. It's about my love for cops. And I have a bumper sticker that says "If you're a cop, stop me". Okay, do you think this is serious? Well the freaking IT schmucks were all "did you see that car with the i love cops license plate? and the bumper sticker?" and I was like... uh, that's mine and that's funny. Cuz what cop would embarass himself enough to pull me over with all that crap on my car? ;-) Who am I kidding - I drive like a granny anyway. I can't even make freakin left hand turns.

I just sorted through some of Beth's toys. I'm in one of these purifying moods again, where I just want to get rid of stuff -- simplify everything, ask myself for everything, "do I really need this, use this or love this?" I say that a lot actually, but I do tend to slip. Especially with this last bout of depression when I could scarcely get out of bed. The next things I want to do, though, are furniture purchases (like a simpler computer desk and a TV stand instead of an entertainment center). I don't quite have the cash for that. I mean, I could dip into savings, but doesn't that seem like being wasteful in the quest to be simple? I'll just take some time and save up the cash.

And I'm trying again to figure out a way to get back into taking care of my body. I eat like garbage - I can't stand eating meat unless I prepare it myself (and how often is that?). I'm not eating right and I can feel it in my body. Of course I'm not exercising enough. It's not the treadmill I don't think... I've got that (just have to get on it I suppose). I LOVE doing weights, and I just don't like what I've got at home. I'm a nautilus girl. I want a different machine for every muscle group. But I refuse to go to a mixed gender gym. It's either all-female or nothing. I can't stand those no-neck guys eyeing me up and down as I'm spread eagle on a machine trying to work my inner thighs. Um, no thank you. I'm here to improve myself, not to be objectified.

So we'll see -- it seems all there is in Raleigh is Curves and other sissified gyms. I can't believe the best gym I found was in freaking San Angelo Texas. They didn't have a PetSmart, didn't have a decent coffee shop, but they've got a great, simple and cheap all-female gym.

I can't believe I'm still rambling on. I'm going to shop online for some TV stands and computer desks.

I owe my mother...

2005-05-04T19:57:00.000-04:00

I OWE MY MOTHER!!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION."You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC." Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC."If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY."Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM."Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA."You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY."If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

1 3. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE."I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY."There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING."You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS."You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

2005-05-03T22:24:00.000-04:00

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here."

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.

And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time ."

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.

This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman's child or children, and gave their time, attention, and love... sometimes only to be unappreciated!

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good Mother anyway?
Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it in her heart?

Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home?

Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation... And mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. For all of us. Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray.

Please pass along to all the Moms in your life.

"Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall."

The danger of fairy tales

2005-04-23T16:33:00.000-04:00

Perfect fodder for a rabid feminist like me...

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=1548&e=1&u=/afp/sciencebritainwomen

I'd be interested to see how they affect eating disorders, when movies like Shrek and the Little Mermaid so deftly say that skinny is beautiful and fat is ugly.

2005-04-23T15:46:00.000-04:00

I was moved into my office on Friday. It was fun. Took forever to get my computer and phone back up. And had a white-face moment when the IT guy (who used to be a good friend of my ex-best-friend who got fired a few months ago) asked me if he could ask me something personal. He scooted me back in to my office, in this really hushed tone, like it was something seriously personal. And knowing he used to know my ex-best-friend, who everyone in IT thought I was sleeping with, and because I just dumped my friend, a million possible questions were going through my mind. Turns out he just wanted to borrow one of my CDs. What's up with that? Was he worried people would know he looks through our stuff when he moves us? I was so relieved that it wasn't a truly personal question, I would have given him anything.

I missed my very first client deadline ever on Friday. It was to program our data cleaning checks. I write the specs, I write the test data, the programmers program and I test their programming. Well, they normally ask for 6 weeks to do their programming, and they only started the task on Monday! WTF? So I'm going to get the grief from the customer because the programming group has let us down, again? Oh well. I left at 6:00 on Friday, pissed off like you can't imagine. Their failure to plan yesterday is not my crisis today. It's my new work motto.

We have a quail who has laid eggs in our yard again this year. I don't know what happened to her eggs last year. I think they were eaten, either by the dog or by a snake. (Shortly after the eggs disappeared, I found a snake skin, as if some bastard snake's skin was too tight after filling up on baby quail) This year she is actually sitting with the eggs. There is also no daddy bird this year. Strangest thing, though, both years she laid her eggs on the ground - last year on the mulch surrounding our one tree in the backyard, and this year on a pile of straw in what used to be our garden. I thought birds used "safer" spots like trees and bushes? Well anyway, I've been feeding her bread, and trying to figure out a good water container for her. I don't want her to have to abandon her eggs for food and water. We're trying to teach the dog and the baby to stay away from her, neither of which is a good learner of self-control.

2005-04-16T23:22:00.000-04:00

We planted one more tree today, to join the two we planted last weekend. Today was a pink flowering crabapple tree. Last week was a magnolia and a pear tree for my husband. I say for him, because he liked it at Lowe's, so I bought it for him. I'm such a sucker for him. But he's not really in to trees like I am, so when he shows excitement for one, I'm going to get it!!

My azaleas are blooming and look so pretty, even though they are still small. They're growing though, and in a few more years they'll be big and beautiful. My daffodils are long dead, and my tulips struggled to grow at all. Maybe another year of fertilizer and mulch will help them out. And I can hardly wait till the fall to put some more grass seed down.

I'm still struggling at work to get any time for my new job. They haven't taken away any of my old job responsibility, and with that job I was working 9 hour days minimum. So adding a few hours a day for my new job, and I'm getting frustrated. The only thing keeping me going is that there is a definite stop date. And my raise already went into effect. Friday I got to choose some things for my new office, so that was fun! And I'm applying Monday for my passport because I go to the UK in May! (I'm nervous - the most exotic place I've ever been is Canada.)

I guess that's it for now. I'm online shopping for a new washer and dryer. I have a feeling ours is going to konk soon. Or set fire to the house. (I'm praying for a konk out) So... time to pull out the Consumer Reports and start shopping.

Daffodils

2005-04-16T12:33:00.000-04:00

When their beauty begins to fade
I cut off their heads
And let their bodies die
In the hopes that next year
They will return, beautiful again.

2005-04-13T20:44:00.000-04:00

So I went and saw the Amityville Horror movie last night. I won free tickets to the advance screening. OH. MY. That was the scariest movie I'd seen in a while. It wasn't like most horror movies, where the cheesy music builds up and tells you when something is going to happen before it happens. It was SCARY. Maybe moreso because it's based on a true story. But I had seen the older Amityville movies, so I KNEW what happened, and it still scared the pants off me! If I was at the movies alone, I would have walked out.

New motto

2005-04-06T20:10:00.000-04:00

Marriage ain't for pussies.

Tuesday randomness

2005-04-06T00:57:00.000-04:00

My stomach hurts.

I helped Frankie out with his homework. It was creating a PowerPoint presentation. Since he did all the research, I just put it in a pretty package.

Beth was such a sweetie today. She makes me laugh. She has the most gentle heart. Her curiosity about everything is inspiring. She has even worn TWO new pieces of clothing, even though she has been fighting me for months about it. She just wanted to wear her same nasty old sweats, and today when I pulled a new shirt out of the drawer and she whined "but I don't like it" I just explained that sometimes I don't like my clothes either, but I wear them because they cost money. And that seemed to satisfy her. I even put her in capri pants for jammies tonight, and she is OCD about her pants always being at her ankles. This momma thing is finally getting easier.

I'm starting to finally feel better emotionally/mentally. I don't know if it's the new meds, or getting some things off my chest with my husband. I had been holding it in that my marriage needs to change, or it needs to end, but it can't continue like it is. And somehow getting it out there made it better. So we're working on it. Ten years -- it's tough...

Or maybe it's the meds because I completely cleaned out my closet, threw things in the wash, just general Martha-type things. I haven't felt the urge to even get out of bed for the past 6 weeks, and today it was like a little motor. Okay, so maybe the meds are too high and I'm getting a little manic, but hell at least it's got me moving.

Okay a real update

2005-04-03T14:38:00.000-04:00

I interviewed for and got a new job at work. I'll be a trainer. I'm likely getting an office and definitely getting a 6% raise. I told them I was unhappy with the raise, but whatever, I want out of what I'm doing because I DESPISE my clients. So for 9 months I'll be training other data managers, and then I'll start training the clinical people. It will be a good change. I'm disappointed with the $$ but at least it's a raise, and we're not having financial problems, so I'm just being greedy, and that's wrong of me. I'm THRILLED to be getting out of working with clients, so I'll focus on that.

I'm still on Wellbutrin. I like it. I was on 300mg for a month and didn't really have any effect, so she bumped me up to 450. I've been on that for a while and it's starting to get a bit better. I've lost about 8 lbs since I started, so I've only got 12 pounds to go to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I don't think I want to get that skinny again, though - I think I'll just go for 5 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight.

Frankie and I have started searching for a preschool for Beth. She gets to play with other kids a lot, and does really well. She's not shy at all, and is very friendly. But I want her to have some consistent friends, so she can develop relationships, not just the skill of being friendly. So, last week Frankie went to the first school I picked. He said when he went into the school's office, Beth went right over and hopped up in a chair and said to the school administrator "Hi, I'm Beth and this is my friend Daddy!" She is too funny!! She liked the school, but let's be honest, it was all black. As in, 100% black. Now, I'm not remotely racist, and no it's not a cliche that both my best friend and Frankie's best friend are black. It's just that I want her to go to a school that's balanced. I don't want her to be the only white kid. Whether it's 100% white or 100% black, I don't think either situation is healthy. It's also attached to a church, which I'm not sure about.... but it was non-denominational, so I guess I could tolerate that. So, on to the next school. Beth's excited about going. When I got home, she told me right away she went to "Bethie's school".

Frankie's classes are still going well. He's still getting straight A's. He got an 88 on his last test and he was very disappointed in himself. He still thinks some of the questions marked wrong, he could battle and get credit for (and he has in the past because his teachers are stupid), but he's pretty tired of that teacher. Lordy , I never thought he'd be an A student. He's smart, but he's never really tried in school.

Haiku

2005-04-03T14:18:00.000-04:00

Ring! Who could it be?
Mom? A friend? Good news? Bad? Beep,
it's the other line.

2005-04-03T00:14:00.000-05:00

What's the difference between Catholocism and a cult? I'm genuinely curious where the line gets drawn, and when something becomes a "legitimate" religion rather than a cult.

2005-04-01T17:05:00.000-05:00

So Terry Schiavo has died. And I think I'm the only one that sees the irony in the fact that she was in a vegetative state because of her eating disorder, and ultimately she was starved to death by others.

Work in progress

2005-03-27T01:51:00.000-05:00

each moment i soak brews melancholy tea
as candles wrap fingers of fragrance around me
iridescent bubbles slide off my breasts
and between my fingers like everything else
the harder i try the less i can hold

the full moon that kisses Your sleeping eyes
blares on my deserted bed like a spotlight in a discount theater of banality

water chases its tail around the drain
and i shiver my way between sheets that still smell like You

Don't step on the ducks

2005-03-15T23:25:00.000-05:00

Three women die together in an accidentand go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

2005-03-06T00:32:00.000-05:00

I saw this in another journal and there were parts that just took my breath away and I wanted to read them over and over. I don't come across that very often, so I wanted to nab it for my journal.
**************************************************
What she doesn't know will kill you
by Matt Brochu
November 21, 2003

You met her a few months ago, and somehow she managed to seep into your subconscious like that "Suga how you get so fly" song. Just like you have no clue who the hell sings it, you don't know why she's there. But she is, whether you like it or not. You know her cell phone, her room phone. You can dial her Aunt Doreen's house in West Springfield (where she goes to do her laundry every two weeks) faster than you can peck-out 911. But she doesn't know.

Her screenname, that generic one with her first name followed by three to five random numbers or UMass, has its own category at the top of your buddy list. Not only do you know what a "Buddy Alert" is, you've rigged your computer to play "Fat Guy in a Little Coat" from "Tommy Boy" every time her screen name changes from gray to black. Then her away message comes down, and you have a decision to make. To IM or not to IM? These are the ridiculous games that you play on a daily basis. But she doesn't know.

She's it. All right, so maybe not "it" it. Not necessarily Ms. Right, but closer to Ms. Right-up-there-with-Anna-Kournikova-and-Lizzie-McGuire-on-your-list-of-people-you'd-give-anything-to-be-stranded-with-on-a-broken-down-elevator. But it's about more than that. When is it ever about more than that? Never. Not like frilly white dress, overpriced catering, embarrassing drunk in-laws more, but closer to UMass sweatpants, two D.P. Dough Roni Zonies, a futon and a movie you have no interest in seeing more. But she doesn't know.

She's gorgeous, but gorgeous is an understatement. More like you're startled every time you see her because you notice something new in a "Where's Waldo" sort of way. More like you can't stop writing third grade run-on sentences because you can't remotely begin to describe something ... someone ... so inherently amazing. But you're a writer. You can describe anything. That's what you do: pictures to words, events to words, words to even better words. But nothing seems right. More like you're afraid that if you stare at her for too long, you'll prove your parents right: that yes, your face will stick that way. But you wouldn't mind.

You wouldn't mind that the questioning, "Hello?" on the other end makes you want to smile and throw up at the same time. You wouldn't mind worrying about what to get her for her birthday and spending $300 when you only have $17.50 and a Triple-A card to your name. You wouldn't mind that she left your TV on and the blaring infomercials wake you up at 4 a.m. ... because it gives you a chance to watch her sleep. You don't mind that you've slipped up twice when you were hammered and hinted at how you feel, but she was too drunk to remember. So she doesn't know.

Sure, she's pretty, but it's about more than that. You two connect. Anything you throw at her, she can throw right back. You figured out what's going on in that predictable head of hers in under five minutes, but something tells you her heart would take about five years.

You remember everything she's ever said to you, and when that freaks her out you blame it on your photographic memory (which is a lie, you have a 2.7 GPA). You can't remember your teaching assistant's name, and you can't remember that your Puffton rent check was due four days ago, yet you remember the middle name of the kid who tripped her in fifth grade and gave her that cute little scar on her shoulder. Maybe it's because you actually listen when she talks. When do you actually listen? Never. But she doesn't know.

But she has a boyfriend. The kid is a tool, and you are not. He has no redeeming qualities, and you have about 38, even when you're hung over. You could kick his butt, and you've never been in a fight in your life. He treats her like crap, and you would treat her like the princess she believed herself to be on Halloween in 1988.

But she loves him. He wouldn't know what he had even if she slapped him across the face and dumped him, but somehow she still loves him. And somehow she still doesn't know.

Then, out of nowhere, she slaps him across the face and dumps him. She comes to you. You've been there before, so you seem like the smartest guy on earth. She cries, but your corny half-joke, half-compliment somehow gets a smile out of her that almost makes you feel ashamed that you're the only one around who gets to witness it. It looks like you might make her realize that all guys don't deserve to have rocks thrown at them.

But nothing changes. She doesn't know. You get that library elevator feeling in your stomach that she'll never know. You get that feeling that you'll be forced to write a cheesy Collegian column about her that makes "Sleepless in Seattle" look like "Girls Gone Wild."

You go to sleep. You wake up. She doesn't know. You're not in love. You're not obsessed. You blame it on the fact that you just need to get some, but still, it's about more than that. It would just be nice if once in your life, things worked out the way you wanted them to.

So ___________, it's about time you know*. Now cut this out, fill in her name, and give it to her, coward. Just let me know how it works out.

Matt Brochu is a Collegian columnist.

blah. another survey

2005-03-02T00:50:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the winter 2005 edition of getting to know your friends. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire email and paste it into a new email that you'll send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you, and send it to all your pals, including the person who sent this to you. Have fun!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:10, and at work by 7:30
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds
3. What was the last film that you saw at the cinema? Constantine on Sunday (Keanu is brutally hot)
4. What is your favorite TV. show? Ghost Hunters on SciFi
5. What did you have for breakfast? A piece of cheese, a banana and some hot tea when I got to work
6. What foods do you dislike? The texture of seafood makes me gag, and I can't stand the sight of crabs or lobsters (but I love salmon, go figure)
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Anything with LOTS of variety to choose from. I'm picky.
8. What are your favorite potato chips? Grandma UTZ
9. What is your favorite c.d. at the moment? The Shins and the new Alison Kraus
10. Favorite sandwich? Artichoke and mushroom sub from a chain that I can't remember the name of
11. What characteristics do you despise? Materialism or selfishness
12. Favorite item of clothing? yoga pants from Chadwick's of Boston
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Italy
14. What color is your bathroom? All white (because I haven't bought a ladder tall enough to paint the cathedral ceilings. It will be lavender when I get around to painting it)
15. Favorite brand of clothing? Xhilaration maybe (the Target brand)? I'm not very brand loyal with clothes
16. Favorite time of day? The moment I climb under the down comforter and pull it up to my chin
17. What was your most memorable birthday? The last one, because my memory is horrible and it was the most recent. And I had a kidney stone.
18. Where were you born? Annapolis, MD
19. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball
20. Who do you least expect to send it back to you? Aunt Nancy because that's what everyone else said.
21. Person you expect to send it back first? Dunno - I'm one of the last ones on this today!
22. What fabric detergent do you use? Gain
23. Coke or Pepsi? Whatever, as long as its diet and caffeine free
24. Are you a morning person or a night owl? night person, but not a night owl
25. What is your shoe size? 8 1/2
26. Do you have any pets? A German Shepherd/Rottweiler mutt dog named Prince (for the boxer, not the musician) and a 24-lb tub-o-love kitty named Roger
27. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share with family and friends? I was accepted into the internet programming degree track
28. What did you want to be when you were little? An astronaut, but I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. That's why I keep asking kids. I'm all out of ideas.
29. What are you meant to be doing today? I just worked for 12 hours, and I have about 3 more ahead of me before bed. And I'm pooped!!

Spring fever

2005-02-27T00:36:00.000-05:00

Man I have spring fever BIG TIME!

I got to snooze in bed for a little while today, and Beth climbed into bed with us and just watched cartoons peacefully. I love that time with her - it's just quiet togetherness instead of our usual hectic days. After I got out of bed, I ate some breakfast, surfed the web for some jobs, and then got dressed to do yard work.

I've been requesting quotes and estimates from landscaping companies to do the front yard. I won't even touch the backyard until the front yard gets into better shape, because we have a 6ft fence and people can't really see the backyard (and I can't exactly afford to landscape the entire 1/2 acre). The Scotts guy just about had a heart attack when he saw the lawn - sighed and said "Ma'am, this is going to be a LOT of work". It's sort of funny looking back on it. Well anyway, it was still a little pricey to get those Chemlawn type guys to work on it, so I've decided to take a shot at it this year and in the fall, if I need professional help with aerating and seeding, then I'll suck it up and pay them.

So today I go out there and start breaking up the clay and trying to pull out any green stuff that's in there now. I was out there for about 3 hours and just as my tits were about to fall off, Frankie came out with the tiller and he started tilling the top layer. It was going well, but still taking a really long time. Then a neighbor we had never met before came over and offered to let us use his tractor with dethatching attachment to speed things up. OMG, it was a lifesaver. We did the entire front yard in like an hour, and I even managed to get some seed down on part of it. I ran out of seed, and didn't have any straw, so we went to Lowe's to buy some. We stopped at Denny's on the way back. So tomorrow I'll be able to get down the rest of the seed and lay down the straw as mulch to keep the seeds from blowing away. It's supposed to rain Sunday night, so I want to get the seed down before then. I hope and pray this works. I don't know what else to do, other than getting sod installed, and that is going to be more expensive than I could afford.

Frankie and I also applied to jobs today. The hospital in Raleigh is hiring 3 PC technician positions, and we each applied for one. The pay is unbelievable - I think they really don't know what they're doing in setting that pay. It would only be worth it for him to work if we work at the same place, and this is the type of job that's entry level for some experience, but not entry level in pay. We'd have to put Beth in daycare, but she's at an age where she craves being with other kids. She'd actually enjoy daycare I think. The jobs are temporary, so I'd ask my job if I could take an unpaid leave of absence, and then when the PC job runs out, I could go back to work without risking anything financially.

I also went ahead and applied for 2 other helpdesk type positions. Those would be permanent. I think being a female puts me at an advantage, but I don't have any exact "experience" per se. But I'm really intuitive - I think I could at least do help desk type things. I do need to go to school for the internet programming, though. I'm pretty bad at that....

Sooo....

2005-02-26T14:07:00.000-05:00

So I went and applied for a job at Hooters.

They handed me a bra and said "Here, fill this out".

Boring work stuff

2005-02-25T21:24:00.000-05:00

Friday at work my boss called a meeting of all the data entry staff and all the file room staff, and as their temporary supervisor, she asked me to come along too. She gave a sweet little speech about how much she appreciated me stepping up to help out until they could hire a new manager, and that she wanted to thank me for that because she knows how busy I am at work. Then she gave me a card and a little Easter egg filled with Ghiradelli (sp??) chocolates. It was so nice and unexpected. And when I got back to my desk to read the card, there was another tiny card and envelope inside, and it was a Target gift card for $50! It was a cool holographic gift card with a bee on it, and she wrote "To a busy bee". I'm not used to that -- having a boss who understands and appreciates when you do things above and beyond. It's also review time, so hopefully I'll get a nice fat raise outta all this. I know Pati (my director) wants to promote me, but I'm not sure it's worth it - so much more responsibility for what? An office and a $6K raise? Plus, a $6K raise would only put me at about the level of the highest paid lead data manager that I know about. So I'd be doing more work for the same amount of money as a subordinate. No thanks. I would normally suck it up just for the career move, but since I've decided to go back to school for internet programming, I'm just not that interested.

Things will only get busier at work. Terri (my best work buddy!) is having her last day on Monday. Another lead data manager had her last day today. Not that anyone TOLD me about it, but whatever. We're a really small company, so I have no idea how we're going to do manage their studies. I have a bad feeling I'll get at least one of them because I've been promised a level 2 data manager (who interviewed to be a 3, so he's supposed to be good, just not good enough to be a lead). He starts in mid-March. I have a sneaking suspicion I'll be leading him on that trial.

So... I also called my doctor today to get on some Wellbutrin. It will be 10 years ago this April that I was hospitalized for my depression. It comes and goes, sometimes I don't need any medication, and sometimes I just need a little something to help me get through the rough spots. And my family deserves a mom and a wife who isn't so snappy and tired all the time. Prozac has some extremely undesirable side effects, so I want to go back to Wellbutrin. Plus, my best friend who was taking it to quit smoking had lost a lot of weight on it, so that's gonna be sweet. I've gotta go in to the dr office on Monday. It will SO be worth it. I've been a long time patient, and it's not like this is an addictive drug I'm requesting, so I hope she'll write the prescription. Maybe I'll bring up that missed diagnosis of kidney stone on my birthday... get a little guilt outta her... But isn't it weird how when you're depressed, you don't even want sex, but when the antidepressants kick in and you do feel like getting some, you can't even enjoy it because of the side effects. Ironic.

Almost a girl

2005-02-22T00:20:00.000-05:00

I got my first manicure and my first pedicure today. I almost felt guilty making the guy do them. Of course, he was paid and tipped very well, but I still sort of felt like those gorillas on PBS who pick bugs out of each others hair and groom each other. I guess I'm just used to doing my own grooming.

Frankie got a pedicure with me. He was so nervous about being the only guy there, especially in a redneck town like ours. But I told him it's the biggest meanest looking guys who go get pedicures. So we're walking in to the place, and this huge lumberjack looking guy is walking in the same direction. I said "Look, I bet you he's going to get a pedicure". And at the last moment he sort of veered off like he was going to go into Domino's instead. But nope, he came in after us and sat down. Of course, it turns out that he was there for a tan, but I still think that's sort of an effeminate thing for a guy to do.

2005-02-20T15:47:00.000-05:00

This morning Beth woke up really early and was entertaining herself in various bad ways around the house that she's obviously not allowed to do when we're awake. She's destroyed the bathroom a few times, and when I woke up this morning, I heard the water going in her bathroom and just *knew* what was going on. So I darted out of bed and down to her bathroom. She had the sink plugged, put her puppy in the water, there was water all over herself, the counter, the floor, the rugs, everywhere. She just looked up and said "Puppy's drinking!" I flipped out and started scolding her, not even yelling because Frankie was still sleeping. I put her in her room, made her take her clothes off and pick out new ones out while I started to dry up the bathroom. I put her stuff in the washing machine, dried her off, got her into her new outfit, and she said "Are you angry with me?"
"Yes, Beth, momma is angry. Momma's very angry right now. So go downstairs while I clean up."
"But I caaaaan't".
"Yes, you can. Go downstairs."
"But I caaaaan't".
"Beth, go downstairs."
"I caaaan't!"
"Beth, get your ass downstairs!" And she went downstairs while I cleaned the rest of the bathroom.

So I get downstairs when I'm done, and she knows she's been bad and I'm upset. I try to let things go, of course, because she doesn't understand staying mad at someone and staying mad would just be hurtful to her. So I'm job hunting on the computer, and she's playing with her toys. All of a sudden, she says "I go sit on the potty" and goes upstairs, but instead she comes right back down with new underwear. I said "Beth, why are you bringing me new panties?" "Because I peed in my panties". "Did you just forget to use toilet paper and you're a little wet, or did you pee in your pants?" "I peed my pants". I never get mad at accidents, so I take her pants and panties off, and tell her we have to go upstairs and get new pants too because the ones she had on were too wet. We're upstairs and I'm putting her wet clothes in the washer (2nd load of laundry before 10AM) and she had just put her new pants on. She walked past me at the washing machine and said "Okay, I get my ass downstairs."

Frankie just told me the REST of the story. I took a nap in my own bed tonight at about 5, and he was studying in the living room and watching Beth as she watched videos and played with a new airplane toy we got her (because her last airplane toy broke). He said that she told him all about the morning! She said "Daddy, I cried in the morning".
"Beth, why did you cry?"
"I cry in the bathroom"
"Why did you cry in the bathroom?"
"I made a mess and momma cleaned it and I cried"

She has such a sweet heart. She always tries to tell us when she cries, whether she wakes up with a bad dream or she gets in trouble from the babysitter - we know about every tear her big brown eyes cry! ;-)

Also tonight, right before I drifted off to sleep, I heard her and Frankie having a discussion, and she said "I'm sorry, it won't happen again." Such a grown up thing to say... I think it was learned earlier this week when she woke up early, and helped herself to the contents of the fridge. Not just anything -- a big bowl of red raspberry jello. All over the coffee table, all over the couch, all over the rug, all over her hair, all over her clothes. You name it. I think she had the "I'm sorry it won't happen again" engraved into her brain at that moment....

2005-02-19T00:50:00.000-05:00

Two Muslims are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of fermented goat's milk.

One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son, he's a martyr."
"You must be so proud" says the other.

"This is my second son. He is a martyr also."
"A fine looking young man," replies his friend.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim says wistfully, "They blow up so fast, don't they?"

Happy Un-Valentine's Day

2005-02-14T14:48:00.000-05:00

Valentines Day always reminds me what a stupid place full of suckers the world really is. I don't understand why they have a holiday dedicated to love. They should have a holiday dedicated to hate. Hate is so much better than love. Love is bullshit. Most people go their whole life without being loved by anyone, and without loving anyone back. But hate is just the opposite. Everyone is hated, and everyone has tons of people that they hate.

Everyone is always confused about love. Do I love him? Is it puppy love or true love? I love you, but I'm just not in love with you. Who do I blame for this? I blame Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. I think they should be drawn and quartered in the town square. But then they should sew them back together but scramble up the parts so they would be these two crazy patchwork one breasted/half dicked/half pussied Julia Roberts/ Hugh Grant creatures. That would be awesome. And while they're at it they should hack up Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. Just hack them up and feed them to the kids.

But back to the hate. Hate is so beautiful and so pure. There's no confusion, there's no question. Do I really hate him? Yes, you do. Is it puppy hate or true hate? It's true, true, deep hate. I hate you, but I'm not in hate with you? Oh you're in hate with me alright you stupid mother fucker. If ever something deserved to be celebrated, it's an International Day of Hate.

I propose Yadsenit N'elav, the anti-Valentine's Day. I think we should make Norah Jones' birthday, March 30th, an international holiday to celebrate hate. A day dedicated to telling everyone you hate to fuck off. On Yadsenit N'elav you do not send people cards. Fuck you Hallmark, you're not getting a dime.

Do I have to teach you people how to hate? On Yadsenit N'elav you don't give people anything. Instead, you take something nice from the people you hate. It doesn't have to be expensive; perhaps you take something of sentimental value. Is there anything better than seeing someone you hate unhappy?

What about the flowers and candy you say? Valentine's Day has flowers and candy. Fine. Go to the yard of someone you hate and dig up all of theirflowers. Happy? Eat a box of expensive chocolates and then stick your finger down your throat and Mary-Kate that chocolate right back into the box. Give that to somebody you hate. Pour it out in their car.

The best thing about making a holiday about hate is it's a great way to avoid getting in trouble for being the miserable cunt you truly are. When your boss, or your teacher, or the police start to give you problems, you just tell them, "I'm celebrating my holiday you fuckbag! What are you the fucking Taliban?" Nobody wants to be compared to the Taliban and they will let you go on your way.

So go find Cupid and shove his quiver full of arrows up his ass. If you can't find Cupid, any winged baby will do. Just be sure and go out and spread the hate. You know you have plenty to go around, so don't be stingy about it. I leave you with this soon to be traditional Yadsenit N'elav expression:

A Hate filled Yadsenit N'elav to all of you. You all suck.

(all credit to t shirt hell.com!)